You have some really good ideas here. Your right though, about the timeline. The easiest way of fixing that, and it would take away most of the problem, would to make a deffinate line between what he's remembering and what is currently happening. One way that you could do that is by italizing the memories. I like the way that the run triggered the memories like it did. It just needs a little more definition. If you italize the memories, it would clean up the biggest of the messes. From there ...

Interesting.... First, the grammar- It has a few mistakes that could be easliy fixed that would make this piece flow a lot better. Speaking of flow- This piece doesn't really have one, it reminds me of a bunch of balloons all pulling in a different direction, but tied to the same place. The balloons being your ideas, and the place being you story. You need to collect your ideas together more and focus on one central tie. The central tie- I thought that it was very depressing. If that's what y...

As you said, some grammar. As far as the content goes, it is really quite interesting. I think that you should expand on it a little. It would make a very cute children's story if you want to take it that angle. It would also make a great adult comedy piece. I think that expansion would make it really great. Maybe more description of the dog and his toy. Maybe have the dog work a little more at finding his toy, or digging for it, or something. You know, more action. Very good concept overall.

Huh, very interesting. I've always liked science fiction. Alice was a good name for the main character. It reminds me of Alice and wonderland. Oppropriate for where the story's going. A few simple errors fixed up would make this piece shine. Other than that it looks good. Would be great to expand on it. I think I've seen that you already have...

Very good job. I really liked it. A medical story! Woo Hoo! Good job my friend, very captivating beginning. It made my heart race with excitement! I could see mike as an egotistical asshole, dad as not caring about joey, expecially now that mike's hurt. Ect.

I really like that poem. It flowed really well and was easy to read. It had an almost rythmic beat to it which was nice. I liked that it wasn't just a surface poem, but it wasn't too overly hard to find the meaning either. It was very well written.

But why a beagle?

That statement carries alot of weight. Alot of emotion condensed in six short words. There's more emotion in that statement than in most paragraphs. Very powerful.

Overall it wasn't bad. Some of your sentences are long winded and shortening them a bit would help with the overall flow. I like the story. Not sure if you meant it this way, but it shows an extreme case (very extreme case) of everday life. We don't blow up exactly, but we still carry those tiny wounds until we no longer can and finally break. Even the best of us. Knock out a couple of extra word here and there and you're good to go.

The piece was easily followed and well ordered. I wasn't unclear about anything, if only its chosen ending point. If your book is filled with passages like this one then I'd say your good to go. No constructive critism needed with this one.