moosetrax15's profile
AGE:
22
LOC: Fremont, NH
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: October 28
LOC: Fremont, NH
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: October 28
:)
Items
Version 1
5 Reviews
0 Comments
I walked outside into the warm night air. It was a characteristic southern night, if not a bit muggy. The moon was a light yellow as it hung low and large, illuminating the few clouds that dared dance around its grandeur. In this instant I longed for home. I had forgotten how much I’d loved the warm lazy southern nights, lying on large desert rocks watching the stars move by and listening to the coyotes sing. Closing my eyes I could see the meteors shoot across the unspeakable sky and cacti m...
Version 1
2 Reviews
0 Comments
A Lawyer's Tale Ah, the lawyer, the one we turn to in our time of need Who instantly, to our demands he will heed. But not because of good-will, but greed. During his work he will make sure to impede Upon the unfortunate lives Of cheating husbands and their wives. Others who have gotten in his way He will try to make lie but will not sway. While in his black Armani jacket with his greased back hair He drives through the city without a care. In a luxurious car paid for buy a millionaire's heir...
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Reviews
The piece was easily followed and well ordered. I wasn't unclear about anything, if only its chosen ending point. If your book is filled with passages like this one then I'd say your good to go. No constructive critism needed with this one.
Overall it wasn't bad. Some of your sentences are long winded and shortening them a bit would help with the overall flow. I like the story. Not sure if you meant it this way, but it shows an extreme case (very extreme case) of everday life. We don't blow up exactly, but we still carry those tiny wounds until we no longer can and finally break. Even the best of us. Knock out a couple of extra word here and there and you're good to go.
That statement carries alot of weight. Alot of emotion condensed in six short words. There's more emotion in that statement than in most paragraphs. Very powerful.
I really like that poem. It flowed really well and was easy to read. It had an almost rythmic beat to it which was nice. I liked that it wasn't just a surface poem, but it wasn't too overly hard to find the meaning either. It was very well written.
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