mooki69's profile

Very strange but good. I love when pieces are a little odd with the content, this is definatley right up my alley. The last line sums up the entire piece very well and truely reflects the character of the main character.

Just work on some grammar like the different types of to and some of the dialouge between Jason and Jerry is a little awkward. The spell idea is very interesting and I can't wait to see where you take it... good work and keep writing this

I love the twist at the end. You should expand on this. The only problem I had with it is that I wanted to read more and learn more about the story, adapting this to a short story would be an easy transition and would finally have my thirst for this story quenched. Maybe a semmicolon could be placed in between "Jaquin's taste changed..." and "He became more adventurious..." would make the praticular part flow better.

It pains me to think of people trying to do this to one of my relatives. I'm sorry that you had to come face to face with one at your gradfathers funeral. Now onto your writing. Everytime I read it I am ammused and also very informed with something that is wrong with the world. I like how you state these things opening eyes while keeping it light and humorous. Your scenarios help bring your righting power that increase your point and the humor... keep up the very good work

With the little words you use I find this quote moving. I interesting view on what the idea of irony is becoming in the modern world. I like how you kept it short and vauge to let the reader choose his own meaning for the quote really powerful. again Good work