moofish2's profile

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AGE: 15
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 07

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Poetry / love poem
Version 1
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why do i love you when you dont love me? why do i need you when you want to be free? how can i win you with words or a song? when i know that these things are all wrong? when will you love me if you ever do? how can i not wait for you?
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Short Story / Dream of the Sea
Version 1
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The thick layer of fog engulfed the man as he lay upon the shingle of the lakes shore. The mist was heavy and oppressive, and whilst lying underneath the grasps of the thick arms of miasma, time itself seemed to stop completely. Early morning trickled into a dark and broody day, and this eventually dulled to a grey and passionless sunset, almost as if the gods that controlled the sun had given up hope completely. The blanket of fog remained, like the newly departed wraiths, attempting to fin...
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Poetry / the fall of life
Version 1
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65,approaching lifes fall slouching back that once stood tall
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Short Story / Mercy
yeah, it's good. "It had been 1972"- I'm not sure if "it was 1972" would have worked better. But thats just my opinion. I'm also unsure about the same sentence as the other reviewer picked up on. It IS quite long. But bar those two little flaws, it's definately readable
Poetry / -Rethink-
how true,how unfortunate it is true
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