Bearing in mind your age and that isn't to be insulting, I love to see younger people testing the waters of poetic expression and I keep in mind the time when I was writing poetry at 17, pondering great philosphical or metaphysical aspects of life and recording my thoughts down as poems...okay, that said, I like the suject content and there is greater insight just below the surface, but that is the problem as well, its too far beneath the surface and by surface I mean that ywhat you are sayin...

Can anyone who accesses this poem via the net ever relate, the sense of disassociation from real world activities is prevalent and highly relateable. Everyone wants to sound the same. it all being the 'semblance of life' is powerful in that it reminds one to 'live life' instead of harping that which cannot be changed or forepatterned!!!

at moments I tolerated the abababab formula but it gets old fast--its only interesting if done to appear effortless and this definitely feltm to purposeful, that is not to take away from the content which is relateable lruing in itself. I'd try this poem again in a looser, less structured manner. I think you may be surprsied to see it works better with less constrictions than with too many. lines like the following: All he could feel was the numbness his heartbreak did make his heartbreak did...

content is relateable, but lose the a-b-a-b-a-b formula, take this same poem and write it in a looser approach without that extra effort exerted to make this poem happen in too structured a moment...the potential is there!

I truly enjoyed this poem, it is mostly an in your face, for what it is, face valued poem, but there are moments where i am puzzled at the sincerity of your intention, ie, to be rid of 'my darling murder'... I'm sort of unsure as to what the very first line means, how it fits, it fits as far as the words, because you refer a lkine later to music, but the feel is off somehow...i can see the second lien, the third line and the fourth for sure,, har to accept the end of something, music and drea...

i like the repeticious aspect, and the serious, raw language and the joviality...interesting, whats with the last line...Maybe I’ll have hot-chocolate heat here for us to have some fun..sexual chocolate...

nice flow to it, rhythmically sound, i usually cringe at cliches, especially when a poem beginsa with one, but the immediate introduction to the content and yes it happened in that first two lines, the duality of time, that immediate idea dissolved the dislike for 'time flies' cliches...I do know how long it takes to die... a lifetime!--cheers!

Hey there, I'm trying to read this poem and keep my analytic mind at bay, because on the scale of emotion and sentiment and feeling it is wonderful. Where your personal struggle and your craving to preserve a past or current 'situation' 'love' etc are concerned it is wholly moving and attractive--but, alas, I cannot keep that other part of myself away much longer; as a style, I CAN appreciate the rhyme scheme yet i find it forced to make it work, I think that this style may be one of the most...

Tonight silence hangs over me as a lamp, (i like this image, the lamp, I have used it myself, the lamp hanging from the ceiling I find is a powerful image, the 'thing', artificial if so, that we use to 'see' with) Fading memories in its limited spectrum, (now, the silence is fading the memories, but not entirely right, because the lamp light can only reach so far (limited spectrum) before its parameters fade into the dark again...so the silence fades the memories..temporarily?) While you cal...