i saw more of the not being able to make it physically than mentally part, and the only problem other than that is the word "belly" just does not sound that good. other than that i really like how you compared this to having to fly and just having that broken wing, just not being ready. i also like the imagery you put into it, specifically the shards of bone. thank you so much for sharing your work.

life lessons. psh. country music is good stuff too. but anyways. very few people abide to that first lesson. the world would be so much more nicer if they did though, but i doubt that it is even possible; because someone out there is always going to try and be better than someone else and would badmouth someone else. but if they did do this, then it would eliminate things like discrimination against race and people with different sexual orientation and things like that. i'm going to say that ...

"i want to back to riverside" you're missing a word. like the other person said, there isn't any real plot, extend the story, make something from this. put spacing after periods and what not. don't use numbers if the number is under one-hundred. (ha i don't know don't do that i have only heard that once and still do it ever since i first heard it). also, there is no real conflict at all in this story, it just seems like it cuts off.

oh wow that is really great i can't wait to hear about what happens next! i really like the detail you care to put into the story, the way you told him walking to get another drink and how he did not want to live anymore because of what he has done and all that; just the way you describe things. keep up the good writing stuffs, this story is really great so far! thank you so much for sharing your piece.

goddamn i know how this goes. i recently had to part from my love and i really can't live without her. but anyways. i really like the language you use, the words and phrases and way you write, you have this great eloquence. i really like all of it, thank you so much for sharing your work

well i sure do hope the person that inspired you to write this is feeling better now. and. this actually to me sounded more like a song than poetry, only becuase of some repeated imagery. i found it really interesting how this is about suicide when i could easily relate this to a breakup. the imagery is pretty decent and i like the theme and language you used. i like this piece, thank you so much for sharing :)

i really like how short and simple this is, anyone could relate to this i believe. i really like the ending, it leaves so much to imagine what really is going on and still the parts before remain true. thank you for sharing your work, i enjoy it :)

damn kid. this piece is amazing. i have read a few of your other works, and they are all really amazing. you have an amazing way with your words, very poetic and beautiful. i love how well you can describe this scene, you should be proud :) thank you so much for sharing your work, i enjoy it!

i really like this piece, the way you described the particular scene was way better (you actually put a vivid picture in my head, not something a lot of people care to do nowadays) than just decent and the ending is amazing (but i'm sorry that you had that happen to you dahlin) i really enjoy this piece, thank you so much for sharing

i know how this goes, kid. that first stanza is amazingly easy to relate to (for me at least) but from what i read in yours alittle different in my life. the only thing is the language isn't too impressive, so you could work on that just a little bit i guess. haha i like the sarcasm placed in the second stanza too. thanks you for sharing your work!