The Intervention The aliens invaded Earth out of pity. They did not swoop down from space in glittering death machines, but simply appeared out of the air in cities and towns all over the planet, knocking on doors, ringing bells and smiling at anyone brave enough to answer. Their unthreatening, somewhat ironic appearance (for they were small and green) made people want to let them in for a chat and they sat, squatted, and reclined in thousands of houses and huts, apartments and yurts, for a g...

Erie Spring In the early morning chill the flare of ardor, so phosphorescent only five hours ago, is sputtering, nearly asphyxiated by the burden of a long winter’s expectations. “Why am I here, freezing my butt off,” is the question for Kings and Counselors as the sippy cup of life sustaining hot is clutched protectively, while middle aged bones are eased from behind the steering wheel, out into the frigidity on which the calendar has seen fit to bestow the title of Spring. There is nothing...

Expiation for my crimes began in a muddy field in Michigan after a night of soaking rain. We were digging raspberry canes out of the ground, which, after cleaning and drying, would be shipped to customers who had answered the “grow your own raspberries“ ads they used to print in the back sections of women’s magazines in between the “Bust Enhancer” and “Do You Have Tinnitus?” come-ons. The roots of a raspberry cane go quite deep, and must be dug out carefully to obtain a viable plant capable ...

The self-appointed razor inside your jelly doughnut life Take a big bite and learn the error of your ways Sweet raspberry gore smears pithy lemon guilt And wouldn’t you just love to say thanks a lot Grindy grinding insult will spark the bloody edge away Take a big bite and learn the power of a word Sweet apple cheeks smear with sour cherry rage And wouldn’t you just love to say it all again

BADGER REVEALS ALL We’re having a welcome February thaw, and I’m sitting in the car outside the discount store watching women trudge through the chemical laden slush on their way to the entrance. The democratic nature of discount shopping provides an ever interesting panorama of age, body, clothing and hair styles, but the real fascination lies in the visage of grim determination worn on each face, which might be understood as a clue that today’s excursion is not entirely about shopping. Tha...

Walk like a Chicken Glistening chunks of underdone fat. Bloody bones connected by stringy, gnarly lengths of gristle, with crevices of quivering marrow to be scoured by my ecstatic tongue. Globules of … sorry. I guess I was dreaming out loud. Please, don’t let me spoil your dinner – what’s that you’ve got there? A boneless, skinless chicken breast, broiled? My my. How very healthy we are these days; we’ll all live to be a hundred and ten, at least. By the way, did you notice that the butcher...

Mr. Reginald Philter has graciously made himself available to the staff of Modern Whore magazine on the momentous occasion of his thirtieth anniversary as Publisher for Gargantuan Press, the largest book publisher in the world. A distinguished looking, impeccably attired Gentleman of seventy-four years of age, Mr. Philter is known as an inexhaustible innovator in an industry which has displayed a deep reluctance to embrace the electronic age, as well as modern literature genres. The intervie...

How to write it, how to write it;how to declare it without pity or compromise. To begin with the unassailable: "I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness*..." That password not available, try again. Perhaps an indirect approach, to clear the mind of the daily insipid; "Leopold Bloom ate with relish the inner organs of beasts and fowls.*" No, No, No. No. If you can't think of anything new you'd best give it up, bub. Write some advertising copy. Spew out the clever little puns ...