metaphoricalsimile's profile

metaphoricalsimile avatar
AGE: 30
LOC: Portland, OR
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 29

I like to write fiction that deals with societally taboo themes in a humorous or shocking manner.

I’ve been comparing my reviews to those of others, and have come to the conclusion that I’m an asshole, and could probably be a little more constructive in my criticism at times.

Item Stats
Reviewer Stats
Items
Short Story / So This is Christmas
Version 1
13 Reviews   10 Comments
When I wake up, the only decoration in the room is a wreath of cigarette and marijuana smoke that lazily curls around the naked bulb in the ceiling of our studio apartment. I climb out of the top bunk of the bed I share with my younger brother. It's hard to escape the view of anyone in a space that small. My brother and my father are sitting on the floor. My brother talks animatedly of nothing, spewing out words that fill the air as surely as my father's smoke. My father sits in a full lotus,...
Ratings & Rankings
Short Story / Eddie and his Doll
Version 1
45 Reviews   67 Comments
Eddie removed his worn, brown fedora with one hand and ran his other hand through a sweaty porcupine of blond hair. His blue eye furtively twitched at the peephole of the front door to his apartment. When he felt, if not safe, free from immediate danger he turned away from the door and flopped down on his unmade bed next to Lola; she squeaked. He had rescued her from a wretched hive of scum and villainy, a white-slave den called "Adult Store." When he had seen her on display like a puppy, he ...
Ratings & Rankings
Short Story / Nice Things
Version 4
31 Reviews   46 Comments
She was kneeling on the carpet. Her long, blond hair was bound in a bun. Her thin, stringy frame quivered with the violence of her scrubbing. Her long fingers tingled at the edge of burning from exposure to the chemicals which lay strewn about her: a Stone Henge of brightly colored bottles and cans of bleaching, foaming, color-restoring sprays and solutions, some upright, and some fallen where they had been cast away after failing the woman. Their lack of utility brought tears of frustration ...
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Poetry / The Forever Song
Version 2
26 Reviews   8 Comments
Play that eternal Song with me. Pluck the strings of flesh, quivering with quickening ecstacy. Sing with gasping notes: a half-heard harmony for our ears alone. Beat those drums: a percussion of pounding pulse and energy. And dance that dance of sweat slicked skin and writhing limbs that lasts forever in just one night.
Ratings & Rankings
Version 3
21 Reviews   9 Comments
What kind of poetry do you like? Do you pore over lines that rhyme? Do you skip lightly to the beat Of bouncing words with rhythmic feet? Do you like free verse which jangles and shocks you into the clear pool of introspection? Do you like sweet sounds, Oft spoken, Of love's sweet tokens? Or would you rather hear Less common sentiment? When you said, "A man Who writes poetry," Let me know What you meant.
Ratings & Rankings
Reviews
This is wonderful!! I love furries, and I really want to read this!
Novel Treatments / The Lambent Light: Chapter 16
I think that "she really....carrying things" would be better attached to the list of reasons why Cheryl wanted Rod to go grocery shopping, then "Cheryl left at ten thirty" would be its own sentence. Is "woodrain witch" supposed to be "woodgrain?" It may just be a personal peeve, but attaching sound modifiers to the word "silence" bugs me. I guess it's all poetical... Rod asking "who died" seemed wrong to me. Since the radio had announced that the body of Jillian had been found in her family's...
100.0% Review Quality (3 Votes)
Novel Treatments / The Lambent Light: Chapter 15
The second paragraph's description of Caroline's voice was a perfect way to set the scene. You described the surroundings and her hushed voice all in one elegant sentence, which was brilliant. Mentioning the Devil on the landing reminds me both of that aspect of Rod's dreams, and the Witch in the door... but you haven't really made either of those spooks into an ongoing plot element... and they seemed to have some importance to Rod at the beginning of the story, even affecting him so much tha...
100.0% Review Quality (3 Votes)
Novel Treatments / The Lambent Light: Chapter 14
I really like Frank's "voice" when he's speaking to the church: blunt and unapologetic. The fact that he is resolute that a Christian couldn't have done a horrible thing in the face of evidence to the contrary reeks of verisimilitude as well. The note that many of the audience did not believe that Rod was singing was a nice one too. Communities like this often cannot accept excellence as much as they cannot accept the idea that one of their own would be guilty of wrong-doing (unless it's some...
100.0% Review Quality (3 Votes)
Novel Treatments / The Lambent Light: Chapter 13
I thought the phallic microphone metaphor was very well executed. Cathy's response to it was also very interesting, as it helped to show that Carl has perpetrated before. I'm surprised we haven't seen Cathy more. I like the wry humor that you display through her. In particular the physical stereotyping of Altos vs. Sopranos was pretty good stuff. When Cathy called Rod "savior boy" I was a little surprised, as Rod's been keeping his idea that he's the second coming a secret. If she was talking...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)