metaphoricalsimile's profile

metaphoricalsimile avatar
AGE: 29
LOC: Portland, OR
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: August 21

I like to write fiction that deals with societally taboo themes in a humorous or shocking manner.

I’ve been comparing my reviews to those of others, and have come to the conclusion that I’m an asshole, and could probably be a little more constructive in my criticism at times.

Item Stats
Reviewer Stats
Items
Journal, Diary, & Blogging / Another six word memoir thingymadoodle.
Version 1
13 Reviews   0 Comments
Growing older but never grown up.
Ratings & Rankings
Opportunities
Journal, Diary, & Blogging / All who wander...
Version 1
15 Reviews   9 Comments
Who knows where I'll be tomorrow?
Ratings & Rankings
Opportunities
Short Story / Eddie and his Doll
Version 1
26 Reviews   35 Comments
Eddie removed his worn, brown fedora with one hand and ran his other hand through a sweaty porcupine of blond hair. His blue eye furtively twitched at the peephole of the front door to his apartment. When he felt, if not safe, free from immediate danger he turned away from the door and flopped down on his unmade bed next to Lola; she squeaked. He had rescued her from a wretched hive of scum and villainy, a white-slave den called "Adult Store." When he had seen her on display like a puppy, he ...
Ratings & Rankings
Short Story / Nice Things
Version 4
12 Reviews   22 Comments
She was kneeling on the carpet. Her long, blond hair was bound in a bun. Her thin, stringy frame quivered with the violence of her scrubbing. Her long fingers tingled at the edge of burning from exposure to the chemicals which lay strewn about her: a Stone Henge of brightly colored bottles and cans of bleaching, foaming, color-restoring sprays and solutions, some upright, and some fallen where they had been cast away after failing the woman. Their lack of utility brought tears of frustration ...
Ratings & Rankings
Poetry / The Forever Song
Version 2
16 Reviews   5 Comments
Play that eternal Song with me. Pluck the strings of flesh, quivering with quickening ecstacy. Sing with gasping notes: a half-heard harmony for our ears alone. Beat those drums: a percussion of pounding pulse and energy. And dance that dance of sweat slicked skin and writhing limbs that lasts forever in just one night.
Ratings & Rankings
Reviews
Novel Treatments / Vacation
Locked
Journal, Diary, & Blogging / No end in sight.
This gives a good sense of hopelessness, and I enjoy the fact that you're using light as the metaphor, as it is usually "darkness" that most people compare to hopelessness. It's a little different and it works.
Non-fiction / 6 word memoir
Locked
Non-fiction / Six Word Memoir
This speaks to me, and I think is a statement that many people will be able to apply to themselves, while at the same time is definitely a "memoir." It works well for the project, but may not be quite witty enough to grab people's attention. I'm also curious as to why you've left off the period at the end. It looks sloppy to leave off such a small detail. Good job overall.
Haiku/Senryu / 6 word memoir
I'd revise this with some punctuation, at least a period at the end, so it will be taken seriously. Of course, with a message so vulgar that might be difficult, but at the same time it seems very daring.