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megwych_09's profile
AGE:
18
LOC: Green Bay, WI
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 16
LOC: Green Bay, WI
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 16
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Items
Version 1
14 Reviews
2 Comments
Blood. Blood everywhere, on everything. On the ground, on the buildings, on the people. Everyone is fighting, not distinguishing between friend and foe. The noise is unbearable. Everyone is screaming; dogs are barking; cats are yowling. Then it happens. The sky goes dark. The sun stops shining. No one speaks. The world is silent. They are here. They are not European. They are not Asian. They are not African. They are not of this world. They are angels. However, they are not what generally com...
Version 1
0 Reviews
0 Comments
I’ve jumped fences, I’ve climbed walls I’ve had helping hands and hands that let me fall, And through it all, I’ve heard your voice calling my name. You say the same thing over and over again: “Just look away.” I’ve felt your hand on my shoulder, Guiding me, leading me, Always keeping me facing straight.
Version 1
1 Review
3 Comments
How long, my Lord…how long? Do you not see What they are doing to me? Why must I carry this load? Why must I travel this road? Why me? “Violence!" I cry. Are you even trying to hear me? I’m surrounded; And this time I know my fears aren’t unfounded Answer me------- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Do you really want to know? Do you really want to hear what I have to tell you? Do you really want to travel this road? carry this load? Do you ...
Version 1
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It’s a cloudy night Pure darkness, no light Nobody in sight What am I to do? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I can’t hear a thing I’m trying to sing But my voice just won’t ring What am I to do? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I cry out to you, but I hear no reply I cry out to you, but though I try, so hard I just can’t make myself believe That you’re still with me
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Reviews
Wow. That was a really touching piece. At first, I was definitely expecting this to be more about Dave, but I really like how you used him to examine his father while also showing more of him.
I always like lyrics that don't have to go to a specific tune to be appreciated. Your words flow really well, and some of your half-rhymes sound really good. Did you mean to spell lite like that, or is that just a typo?
As far as technical stuff goes, I would give it a 6. I realize it's not supposed to have any rhyme, but the meter is off as well, and it makes it a bit harder to read. However, based on the subject matter, at least a 9. I really liked some of your imagery.
Wow. This is some kind of twisted. It is kind of hard to follow, though. If you're going to post parts of a larger work like this, you might want to make it better organized. Regarding your actual writing, though, I like your style. You've got plenty of description. (Some might consider it a bit much, actually, but I like it.) Feel free to let me know when you've gotten a bit farther in your larger project!
Despite the typos, this was a very enjoyable read. I love reading other people's mockeries of modern society.
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