megaloox's profile

To be honest, I wasn't too fond of this piece. I can see that you've poured much emotion into this work, however as a distant reader, I found myself turned off by the overly self-indulgent sentimentality. I feel like I've read this poem before, except in different words, meaning, there are many poems out there that are trying to convey the same feelings of despair, hatred and darkness. But that's just the thing...those concepts have become some popular that they've finally moved into the real...

Was this meant to be sung or performed at a spoken word competition?: It has a very distinct beat and rhythm to it, a strange mix of today's and yesterday's cultures. I really like the juxtaposition of images like a crack pipe and cool cats doing the lindy-hop. The images all-together are quite brutal and gritty when you read this a couple of times, I like the blend of realism with a sort of dirty surrealism. The words all combine to create a stew of images that are hard to overlook. As far a...

This was definitely an amusing piece. I might've thought it came from some hallmark card or a children's book. If this was meant for that purpose, I'd say you've succeeded in creating a piece that is sure to put a few smiles on a few faces. However, in the realm of being "publishable" for an adult audience, I'd have to say that the tonality may be a bit too childish to be considered by most. The rhymes seem a bit forced, such as "friends and lovers" with "given by my mother" as well as "nose"...

First and foremost, just to get this out of the way, re-check spelling. There are a few words here and there missing letters, etc. Nothing too big, just something you'll want to go over again before submitting to any publisher. All together, I'm very fond of this piece. There is no doubt that you, and perhaps a few of your friends, have spent a large amount of your time contemplating the world as a whole. It's an age-old question that never seems to yield a satisfactory answer: what is the me...

Brilliant. Simply brilliant. "And lo! girls changed to human beings..." a perfect rendition (i think) of being male.