Flash Fiction / Let down

yikes—i hope this was a dream!

i think it would probably be worth describing what it was like falling through the air, the wind ripping at his clothes as he plummeted towards the earth. you know: build it up a bit before you end it.

also, his soul sinking? no thoughts flashing through his head? like who’s going to feed his dog? or regrets for not marrying that girl (or breaking up with her)? it would be cool to leave us with the “back story” to ponder when the flash is over…

great concept but this is not flash fiction YET. this builds up nice but there is no twist. i totally saw that coming. there’s no irony. needs work. i’d like to see the finished product.

like it a lot actually. reason is you can actually imagine some nerd really doing this. the kind of kid who you could punch very hard in the face and they’d laugh back at you. plus we’re all expecting twist A, but you come up with twist Z, so, yes, i found it funny.

publication would be immensely lucrative too!

After your first sentence, this is not really stream of consciousness. This would be much better if you stayed in the head of the man falling. After the first sentence, your narrator is the third-person omniscient narrator, while in the first sentence, you are mixing the narrator’s voice with the jumper’s thoughts.

stream of conscience = stream of consciousness
he realized he left his = . . . he realized he HAD left his . . .