Poetry / A forest playground (Analysis)

I liked the overall concept. I believe there are times when we all need to go back to that place of innocence. You definitely have a gift. I wouldn’t worry too much about form at this point. Sometimes that constricts your creativity. Continue to write from your heart.

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April 01, 2008

by blossom_art

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
160	87.4% (87 votes)	29.8%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
30	F	Australia	November 20

Thank you for your kind comments, it is nice to hear that someone thinks that you have a gift. Form has never been a focal point at all, first priority is simply getting that thought/concept onto that paper before in a blinking moment it can be gone.

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I dont like now sometimes you rhyme and sometimes you dont rhyme. It throws me off when im reading it. Essentially the poem is cliche. Fairies and lost childhood is a common theme, but then again, so is love, anger..and other feelings. Its all how you approach it. I like the basic ideas that you use in this piece, but you approach them in a very bland manner. You are talking about things that are magical. You don’t use any interesting vocabulary to drive the magic quality of the piece.

First of all, thanks for inviting me to review your work.
There were many things about it I liked: It was full
of pleasant and magical images and I could see what you
were describing for some reason, as I am not a visual person
from a ‘meditation, imagine-a-tree type visual perspective,
however, I could see very emerald green and little people
in colorful clothing, so for this reason it seemed magical to me.
I did however have a few problems as I didn’t find the poetic
structure tight enough and it was offered more like a
laundry-list than a poem ;-(((
I hope this does not offend. It is honest criticism.
I also had a major problem with
“A distant and boring memory”
as I have NO doubts others will have.
This is so full of lovely imagery and then you insert
“boring” and I couldn’t figure out why…. (?)
I’d just strike that line and put in something else
that is more germane to the poem.
But if you want to stay on that tack
perhaps then
Distant and amusing…
Hope this helps.
Off the clock, I’d be glad to give you more observations,
when I have the time.
Thanks for sharing and for the visual trip.
don’t give up writing.
I feel you DEFINITELY have a talent worth shaping!!!
E~

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March 30, 2008

by blossom_art

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
160	87.4% (87 votes)	29.8%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
30	F	Australia	November 20

Thank you for your comments very nice and awesome to hear that you could visualise it yourself that’s trippy if you are not someone that usually finds that they can when reading descriptive work. I have actually decided to take out the entire 3 lines containing the annoying ‘A distant and boring memory’ it was meant to make the reader realise you are inside a child’s dream. But I have found from people’s comments that it is really not needed.
Thanks heaps.. please review if you want my other poemms posted as i find that you are positive and constructive which is great.
Rach

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This is a really sweet poem, that could easily be accompanied with illustrations.  You have some beautiful fantasy imagery, and I like the overall message of childhood imagination always being alive.

The 3rd stanza, “suddenly it seems…” kind of breaks up the flow of the poem though.  

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March 29, 2008

by blossom_art

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
160	87.4% (87 votes)	29.8%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
30	F	Australia	November 20

Thank you for your comments. Glad that you saw the poem for exactly what it is a reflection on childhood imagination. I have been considering deleting the 3rd stanza it was written to try & link the reader that it was childs dream. Still trying to decide if it is necessary for it to remain.

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I like the detail you have brought to life. Your stlye is soft, the words you used were just enough to bring the image to my mind. As I read I wished I could go play with them, you have captured a side the most people forget about as they grow older. Good job.