Thanks for your review! Do they have Starb… Oops, I mean, the green-in-your-face-circular logo coffee company in AU?
Cheers!
Rebecca Reece
Humor/Satire / Conquering the Coffe Culture
I was early for work one morning, so I stopped in Hillsdale, a tiny community in the West hills of Portland, to get a cup of coffee. Now, I am always one to support the little guy, like, I prefer to go to the neighborhood video store, rather than the local chain, and I would just as soon drive a little farther to go to a mom and pop, rather than the “popular” store, dubbed so by the hundreds of so called “popular” people walking around all consumed in the occupation of being, well, “popular.”
I have to say first of all, that I really dislike filling station coffee. There is just something distasteful about the thought that my coffee has been sitting on a too-hot burner for who knows how long. If this were not the case I would have been perfectly happy to purchase a cup; and be on my way without breaking my own, “support the underdog” convictions. However, feeling that I had no other choice, I begrudgingly pulled into the parking lot. My white truck came to a stop in front of…sigh…the Name-Brand Coffee Shop with that annoying green logo.
My truck (Max) even seemed confused, he seemed to shudder, and even gasp his disapproval to me as I turned the key to the off position. Hesitating before I opened the door, I again took an inventory in my mind and attempted to gauge my absolute need for the mornings’ caffeine. Deciding that I must go through with it, I gritted my teeth, and made my way to the swinging glass door, and stepped over the threshold into the aromatic section of humanity that I generally do my best to avoid.
I glanced right and left as I walked in. I noticed small tables and chairs filled almost completely with “trendy” people, in their “trendy” attire, reading their “trendy” newspapers. (These people are trendy of course, because they are, in the heart of Portland, Oregon mind you, reading, not the “Oregonian,” but “The New York Times.” Give me a break, if you really need to know what is going on there…MOVE there).
I flashed my own rendition of what I believed to be a trendy smile to a man in a business suit who caught my eye over his East-Coast newspaper as I entered. However, looking back now, I think that my smile must have been closer to a pained grimace. I walked deeper into this mixing pot, diversified with equal amounts of yuppie and sophistication.
As I was a resident of this liberal city of Portland, I am not entirely naive to the world of coffee-with-a-twist. I confidently approached the counter where a young man was clad in a green, logo-adorned apron. I tried not to notice the silver nose ring and some sort of spiked collar that he wore, which, I suppose, could have been considered trendy among certain farm-dwelling livestock.
In a firm and authoritative voice, I looked that man straight in his eye, (I use the term “man” loosely of course, for lack of a more fitting title) and ordered a “double-short-raspberry-mocha-no-whip-please.” I had adequately impressed the guy, for he made no attempt to hide his surprise at my coffee savvy; no doubt he had been planning to hold my hand throughout the ordering process; due to my casual, non-trendy attire of faded blue-jeans and black turtleneck sweater. I couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow in juvenile defiance as I handed him a crisp twenty-dollar bill. I received my change from him, and then moved dutifully to the side to wait for my cup of liquid “trend.”
I thanked the girl behind the espresso machine as she handed me a paper cup. I was faced, yet again, with the aggravating circular logo strategically placed in my cup by “Mr. Corporation.” Its purpose, undoubtedly, to serve as free advertising by all those individuals who choose to purchase this “premium” elixir.
Walking out through the glass door I couldn’t help but smile to myself. I climbed back in to my not-so-trendy pick up truck, and though I had gone against my convictions, I was happy to have gotten, not only a steaming hot cup of legal, addictive stimulant, but a good, healthy dose of self satisfaction as well, for I then had the confidence that in my mid-twenties, I hold the ability to order, get ready, a cup of coffee. I sipped with smug satisfaction, and drove to work while the caffeine began to course deliciously through me.
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TrevorSamuels reviewed Version 1 -
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inxthexpinesx reviewed Version 1 -
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adamsk13 reviewed Version 1 -
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00_Curious reviewed Version 1 -
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phoquess reviewed Version 1 -
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Overall, the narrative seemed wordy and repetitive. Additionally, it overuses the exaggeration and I’m left thinking…. “what’s the big deal?” Concision and a few more interesting points would heighten your point; as it is, I’m not certain what your point is, except that you don’t like Starbucks. But as an argument against Starbucks (as satire ought to be; it certainly wasn’t very humorous) you have provided very little evidence for your vendetta.
In the specifics:
“Coffee” is misspelled in the title.
The use of both “popular” in the beginning and “trendy” in the end is far too repetitive and not well-placed enough to convey an appropriate message. It sounds like a juvenile rant, not a well-thought-out piece of writing.
“Juvenile defiance” certainly sums up the end scene. Again, what’s the big deal? Ordering coffee isn’t that hard, and it does nothing to “stick it to the man”.
This sentence is confusing: “(These people are trendy of course, because they are, in the heart of Portland, Oregon mind you, reading, not the “Oregonian,” but “The New York Times.” Give me a break, if you really need to know what is going on there…MOVE there).” I’d suggest eliminating the commentary that is irrelevant to your coffee point.
Overall, it could be good, but right now I’m unimpressed.
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regmusty reviewed Version 1 -
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Look i really liked it and although i am Australian not only did i understand the humor i could relate to the story,i especially loved the bit about reading the New York times in Oregon. Some of the sentences could be structured a little different to make them flow better but that would be being picky, overall very publishable well done.
kdwhitt reviewed Version 1 -
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I have to say that this certainly made me smile. I find myself continually intimidated by the “Name-Brand Coffee Shop with that annoying green logo” – infact I have only gone so far as to order items that my own friends have ordered and recommended. Sad, but true. I find this piece extremely relatable and very heart-warming.
JustGeneric reviewed Version 1 -
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I thought this was very well written and it kept me interested. The flow was good and I especially liked the theme. When it comes to coffee, I’m not too picky, being a junkie and all, but I can definitely relate to the idea of feeling out of place in “preppy, trendy” world. There’s too much pressure there, and I can’t take it. Awesome story, thanks for sharing!
joancrown reviewed Version 1 -
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I get it. But I think if you really want to entertain the masses, what’s with all the quotes and the personification of the truck? You can make your commentary, and it’s valid, without the excess punctuation. We’ll still get it. And you’ll be a stronger voice in the piece. My opinion only. As it, it feels false to your pedagogy somehow.
EJSchwartz reviewed Version 1 -
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I get the Starbucks thing and can totally relate to it. I lived in LA and NY. But, I don’t get the ending at all. I hold the ability to order etc… What does that mean? Im not sure what you’re saying. Maybe, something like, not only did I order my coffee effective and efficiently, but I never let those bastards see me sweat.
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