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Poetry / Porcelain skin
There she lay:
with eyes wide open
- or perhaps quite tightly shut –
she lay watching this torturer
of her woman’s soul.
Eyes as blue as the heavens;
enchanting as the heavens themselves.
And scarlet lips
as burning embers…
“Oh, what lovely eyes you have,
my darling!”
- “The better to see your beauty with,
my dear.”
“And oh! what lovely lips.”
- “The better to caress your porcelain skin with,
my dear.”
[“And the better still to devour
your innocent love with.
And to suck the living mirth
from your woman’s soul.”]
And yet
- as still as tomorrow’s day
in the womb of what is to be –
there she lay.
Indeed,
there she lay,
as those soothing words came once again
to caress her porcelain skin.
But,
of course,
as in days gone by
- and days yet still to come -
these last caresses played
only in her mind.
For,
you see,
her Knight had gone
- as day had come -
leaving her now well-tarnished skin
for the porcelain of another.
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wow this is great. no corrections, great job.
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i like this. the concpet is good and you carry it out well, the structure is interesting and different (in a good way i think). your language overall is good, nice imagery. porcelain skin and scarlett lips are good descriptions but theyve been used alot. but its still good, well done
i love the way the lines are broken up.
i really enjoyed reading this piece.
you seem to have grasped the nature of poetry where it is as much visual element as it is by reading and comprehension
there arent many critiques i can think of right now though
so very well done
regards
-kyle-
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