Journal, Diary, & Blogging / The Gift (Analysis)

This really made me feel good, so I give you high marks for that. It is a well-written blog, or entry. Belles

On the last line on page one you started the sentence with “But” I thought that there where to many commas. You could make at least two sentences out of it.
But I enjoyed reading it. I know exactly how you felt because I push everything to the bottom. An to be honest, sometimes I wish I could have a nice long cry.

For a journal entry, it works well. If you wanted to make it even better though…I’d start out more personally. It almost feels like an essay…I don’t feel your relief or your joy. Perhaps start out with what you felt on that first day you realized…happiness had found you.  Let us in your head…don’t tell us but let us experience a sentence or two with you.  Second, I don’t think it is specific enough.  Listening helped? How? Why? Why did it work this time?  I’d give us more concrete details. This is good but to make it great…I have to live and die with you.  Overall, it serves its purpose with clear, clean language.

       I have to applaud you for opening your heart, and letting any who read this feel how you were to now. I think many of us feel the way you have, hiding the pain and unsure of how to deal with it. There are times when I get down, and for some reason I hear from a dear friend right then. Getting the smallest of notes from him, always has a positive effect on me. I forget that I was down and get on with life, happy again.

And by sharing this with us, the reader you have passed on the gift.

Thanks for sharing your feelings.  It’s not an easy thing to do.  I’m glad that you’ve overcome your deppression.  Good luck in everything you do and don’t lose hope.

Excellent piece, and very blunt.  The price of hindsight is wisdom, and it seems that you’ve presented that well in this piece.  I would suggest ‘I attribute my happiness to’ rather than ‘with’.  I would also suggest ‘I just couldn’t kick back, anymore.’ rather than ‘fight back’.  It gives the sentence a relationship, showing the fight of the author by hinting that she kicked back in the past often.  
Overall, I think you displayed the wonder and elation of finding happiness really well, and think this is a good blog.

I hope someday I can say the same for myself.  You seem to be able to express yourself very nicely.  I’m still working on that for myself.  Looks like I could learn a lot from you.

Wow!! You know, I went throught the same thing, looking through past journals & seeing how depressed I was. I’m like you, I can honestly say that I’m happy with myself. I hope you won the contest!!