Flash Fiction / Dante's sons

I like this ending much better than the one you did before with them playing a game of Madden.  Playing a game of chess sounds more fitting to the storyline.  Good revisions! Keep working with this piece, you definitely have something here.  Good luck!

I know this is only flash fic, but it was just too much telling not enough showing or dialogue for me.  To be honest, it really did not hold my interest as I thought it would in the beginning.  I particularly did not care for the ending: It appears that the story takes place in medieval time, yet that decide to settle it with a Madde game.  It think it needs more work.

I noticed a few errors here:

“Using his money, he brought his way out of trouble.”

This would work better if it was “Bought his way out of trouble.” Another one was this one:

” Even though he was no longer recognize as prince…”

You need to replace recognize with recognized.

This story has potential but there are so many grammar problems that you really should do a rewrite before you put this one out again. The two brothers seem interesting enough and both have a good heart. I would be interested in what happens to them upon their return to the castle but you should fix the many grammar and spelling mistakes first. Best of luck to you!

I have to admit I don’t know the Xbox game in which Dante appears, so I’ll read this as a mood sketch.

The story describes how two royal sons leave to find their own lives, forsaking their heritage, but upon the death of their mother return home, to decide who will be king by way of a game of Madden.

I like that sudden and inconsequential conclusion.

The story could do with a brushing-up of spelling, grammar and style. To mention a few (reference 1.2 means paragraph 1, sentence 2):
1.2: The kingdom … knowing … A kingdom can’t know: that would be its people;
2.1: the word early is superfluous;
2.2: imbalanced;
2.3: run-in;
2.4: bought;
3.2: choose;
4.1: twice now.

More importantly, I am unsure what your message is. Is it just a mood, a flavour, or is there more that I failed to see?

i found this fiction rather deceptive overall. it starts out like a dark age tale then madden and an x-box gets thrown into the mix. i believe there should have been some clarification with the time line, but i found it rather amusing for the writer (you) to throw in some modern day theatrics.

good flash fiction as the story was told, you did well depicting a background for vergil, but failed to mention much about sparda which i think would have helped out with the plot more. aside from that only a few typos here and there, but its a keyboard. i understand. and im gonna poke in the dark on this one, but maybe the inspiration came from ‘devil may cry’ but i could be wrong on that.

anyway, thanks for sharing.

Your first paragraph gives a lot of background information. In flash fiction, you need to find a more compact way of introducing this information. In general, this does not sound like flash fiction; it does, however, sound like pre-writing for a novel about these two brothers.

Your text is marred by lots of proofreading errors. Here are a few of them:
was at a stand = standstill?
domes crosses = ??
mother death = mother’s death
now fill with = filled
putt the wife = put