Haiku/Senryu / Ascent to Ecstasy

Thanks for the review, I’m glad you liked it.  

What’s funny to me about the last line, is that I caught part of ‘The Sweetest Thing’ on the TV last week, and Cameron Diaz’s character is dreaming about a guy, and says the exact same line to him.

haha, coincidence? I think not :O

Thank you, glad you liked it.

Hope to read more!

Thanks for the review.  The piece is of course all about giving oral pleasure to a female and her approach to climax, barely hidden behind a mountain climbing metaphor.  A Senryu hidden in a Haiku, perhaps? :-)

I consciously did not use the word climax to make the piece less obvious.  More fun that way too!  Note the use of ‘peak’, ‘summit’, and ‘elevation’, any of which could be substituted for climax but wouldn’t have worked so well in the mountain climbing context.

I think you’ll find the count is right on the last line – “You’re” is 1 syllable.

According to answers.com, ‘quieten[-ed]’ is chiefly British [English].
http://www.answers.com/quietened&r=67
This would explain why you’d never heard of it, but as a Limey I never thought twice about using it. ;-)

So other than those two things, any other bad qualities?

Looked it up, you are correct about you’re.  I kept counting it /you.re/ apparently I’m mistaken it is /yoor/.

I’m glad you didn’t use climax, it would have cheapened what you’ve done here.

I don’t think I really have any other complaints.  Just generally a good piece.

Think, oral pleasures….

Oohhh… head And tail!

So now you know the context, does it work?

Yes, in that context, it works exceptionally well.

This will be tough.  I love peak in both lines, but to be honest I hadn’t noticed the dupe.

How about ‘Above grand tetons’?  It bothers me that it’s not subtle enough…  

LOL well – I don’t think twin peaks are subtle at all. lol

Not for you maybe, but apparently you’re the exception… ;)

lol maybe we are both stark raving sexpot lunatics?