Poetry / absolutely untitled
Last night I danced with the dead-
a promenade of peril.
I slink across the ground, toes on point,
and skim just above the open graves.
My army of death
Spreads over the face of this toxic wasteland
in a wave of vampiric desiccation,
just as her blood spread all over her carpet.
I made love to her with blade and fury,
Spread her open and removed all that
Had made her woman. I lusted
For life, so I took hers in a
Blast of Hellfire, razor shards in the wind.
I bore her down to the place of eternal torment
And tucked her into the pyre.
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I believe that this is the start of something and deserves more credit than just a ‘rant’
It has a great sense of imagery and i can sense the darkness connected with the want and needs of the vampire. Only word I was a little unsure of was ‘vampiric’ i know that we have a ‘pen’ licence but maybe its my ignorance i have never heard the word before!! I could feel the sense of urgency in ‘needing’ her in more ways than one. As i said before I actually think that this is well written and you deserve to give yourself more credit for it! Had to look up what pyre meant and now that i know what it means think that it works very well.
Keep it up.
Rachel
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This is the first time I’m writing a review- so am fairly new to the field.
That being said what I really like is the speed and flow of the poem,
the short lines ahve more impact than long ones, and I think it takes real talent to be able to say what you want in short clear lines.
The momentum was built and continuous through the body of the poem – maintaing the fear.
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