Sci Fi & Fantasy / Tryin' 2 "HYDE"

this is a poem right? It has a good flow or rhythm and rhyme. though the second verse needs a bit of work. The concept is interesting, I am not sure that everyone will connect with what you are trying to say or portray. I think it is a neat concept and I can relate to having a Hyde, a creature in me that always seems to choose the evil way. I think you should keep at it because this proves you have a way with words. Well done.

hm…this is more poetry. Good work though.

Is this like another take on the whole Jekyle and Hyde thing? This chapter sets it up and it’s going to be all about the next chapter. Because there are many creative ways you can do the whole Jekyle and Hyde thing. Grammar was it was good and you gave enough detail to help me picture what was going on.

First of all, “was’nt” is spelled wasn’t. Also, “really the true person I was” is redundant, it should either be “the true person” or “really the person”.

That said, this was good, and sounded like a poem to me. I’m not sure how this relates to sci-fi and fantasy, the way it is written it makes it sound more like an inner battle.

I hope I’m missing something here, but I didn’t really get this. The choice of the name “Hyde” seems a bit obvious and rather gives the game away – the piece has, therefore, no surprises and lacks any real impact. I’m not sure wether it’s poetry or prose.

The writing is nice, I like your word choices, but it almost reads like poetry.
You seem caught between two styles here. The theme is not new, but you do some inventive things with it – the black cloud, physical yet independent “Hyde” outside of “Jekyl’s” influence. I like this well enough. I think if you could lean it more toward conventional prose while still maintaining some of the poetic qualities and expand the word count to set up more of the plot and character development, you would have a publishable piece.
If this is poorly formatted Poetry, then great job.