Haiku/Senryu / Monarch butterfly

Monarch butterfly
Amidst the apple blossoms
Your colors are wrong

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Reviews

September 16, 2009

Smintboyuk

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
412	81.1% (143 votes)	24.2%

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Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
36	M	Alexandria, VA	October 27

Smintboyuk reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

This 63 word review has not been unlocked.

January 14, 2008

NatashaTragedy

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
143	84.4% (45 votes)	0.0%

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16	F	Newland, NC	June 16

NatashaTragedy reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

This is very good.
However, I must agree with someone who reviewed below me, I would probably not have used the word ‘wrong’. “Wrong” somehow breaks the rythm and alters the imagery.

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
45	91.7% (12 votes)	22.3%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
36	M	Chicago, IL	March 13

January 13, 2008

Blue_Eyes

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
586	83.5% (327 votes)	74.7%

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33	M	Weedsport, NY	November 15

Blue_Eyes reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

Not sure if I would have chosen the word “wrong” at the end of the piece…

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January 13, 2008

jweeble

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
1102	85.8% (134 votes)	55.3%

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40	F	Falls Creek, PA	February 18

jweeble reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

Hmmm. . . quite an interesting thought, that something so beautiful can be so misplaced. Very nice.

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January 13, 2008

evath

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
322	85.9% (71 votes)	67.5%

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50	F	Miami, FL	November 29

evath reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

not sure how to review; 575 is in place!
i don’t know that I cared much for this.
Can’t put finger on ‘why’ not, though.
Can monarch’s colors ever be wrong?
1st/2nd lines flow well…
last line is harsh and unflattering to 1st 2.
perhaps you intended it that way.
Wish I had more to say?
Perhaps I have missed something!

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January 13, 2008

by MichaelLilith

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
45	91.7% (12 votes)	22.3%

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36	M	Chicago, IL	March 13

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i did in fact intend it. i wanted to write a poem about how context can change something from right to wrong. how a thing can be out of place. i wanted an element of that jarring of the sensibilities to come through in the syntax of the poem itself.