i did in fact intend it. i wanted to write a poem about how context can change something from right to wrong. how a thing can be out of place. i wanted an element of that jarring of the sensibilities to come through in the syntax of the poem itself.
Haiku/Senryu / Monarch butterfly
Monarch butterfly
Amidst the apple blossoms
Your colors are wrong
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This is very good.
However, I must agree with someone who reviewed below me, I would probably not have used the word ‘wrong’. “Wrong” somehow breaks the rythm and alters the imagery.
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Not sure if I would have chosen the word “wrong” at the end of the piece…
Hmmm. . . quite an interesting thought, that something so beautiful can be so misplaced. Very nice.
not sure how to review; 575 is in place!
i don’t know that I cared much for this.
Can’t put finger on ‘why’ not, though.
Can monarch’s colors ever be wrong?
1st/2nd lines flow well…
last line is harsh and unflattering to 1st 2.
perhaps you intended it that way.
Wish I had more to say?
Perhaps I have missed something!
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