Screenplay / La Classa Nostra Pilot: Act 1 (version 2) (Analysis)

SCENE 1: Jen’s big day!

JENNIFER CAPRICE is in a SCHOOL GYM practicing her intro to Westdale High School as one of their newest teachers. She is standing on the assembly stage in front of a podium with a microphone. She is wearing a nice suit with a skirt and modest heels. She has double ponytails in her hair and glasses on. She is excited but nervous and sometimes speaking really fast and loud as a result but gains confidence as she goes along.

JENNIFER: This is my first teaching job and you won’t believe how excited I am to be here! How ya doin’? I am Jennifer Caprice! Starting today I will be teaching here at Westdale. My mother was also a teacher and it is what I have always wanted to do as well. There is no stronger bond than that between a teacher and her students.

ACTION: JENNIFER takes the microphone off the stand and walks over to the left. Pointing at someone.

JENNIFER: YOU, OVER THERE! You have a bright future. It’s time for you to BRING IT!

ACTION: JENNIFER walks over to the right and points randomly.

JENNIFER: And YOU TOO! You can be anything you want! Use your youthful Spirited Energy to it’s fullest!

EVERYONE! Join me and together will combine our energy and the future WILL BE OURS!!!

(Exhales) Perfect! I’m ready.

ACTION: Raises both hands in the air like she just scored a goal.

BRING IT ON!!!

FREEZE FRAME of JENNIFER facing the screen looking intense but happy.
TEXT: MATH TEACHER: Jennifer Caprice

SCENE 2: JENNIFER MEETS THE FACULTY

VICE PRINCIPAL GORDON is in the SCHOOL OFFICE introducing Westdale High School’s two newest teachers to the rest of the faculty. VP GORDON has his hair slicked in a very bad pompador, is wearing a checked polyester suit and glasses. He is very stern in his tone of voice.

VP GORDON: As many of you know, we have two new teachers joining us this fall. This is Marie Langois and she will be teaching our Senior 3 French classes and her homeroom will be 3-C.

MARIE: (Happy and smiling) Thank you Mr. Gordon. I am very happy to be teaching at Westdale and I will do my best for the school!

MALE TEACHERS: Applause because they ALL want her!

Close up freeze frame of Marie smiling, winking and grabbing a hand flexer. Caption reads: FRENCH TEACHER: Marie Langois

VP GORDON: And Jennifer Caprice will be teaching Senior 3 Math and will be in charge of Class 3-D!

JENNIFER: I’m happy to be here and ready to go!

TEACHER: (Horrified and eyes bulging in shock.) The hell?

Charlie: 3-D? Gordon, you can’t be serious!

Freeze Frame of GORDON looking pissed off and holding a roll of scotch tape like he’s about to strangle someone with it. Caption reads: VICE PRINCIPAL: Guiseppe Gordon

VP GORDON: I thought it was a joke too but that’s what the Principal ordered.

Freeze Frame of CHARLIE downing a packet of instant coffee and spitting it up in the air. Caption reads: HEAD TEACHER/ENGLISH TEACHER: Charlie Tuttle

CHARLIE: (Shocked and upset) What the hell is he THINKING???

Freeze Frame of the PRINCIPAL in the garden facing the camera with a ‘deer caught in the headlights’ look. Caption reads: PRINCIPAL

MIKEY: (Nonchalant) He was clearly not thinking at all.

WENDY: You’re right about that Mikey, he has certainly lost his mind.

Freeze Frame of WENDY posing with a tounge depressor in her hand. Caption reads: SCHOOL NURSE: Wendy Friesen

Freeze Frame of MIKEY pointing at the camera blowing his whistle. Caption reads: GYM TEACHER: Mikey Greenaway

Freeze Frame of SHERMAN winking next to an aquarium. Caption reads: SCIENCE TEACHER: Joe Sherman

JOE: (Horrified.) That’s like throwing a goldfish into a piranha tank!

Freeze Frame of HAROLD looking confused. Caption reads: SOCIAL STUDIES TEACHER: Harold Chester

JENNIFER: Goldfish? Piranha’s?

VP GORDON: (Frustrated with the teachers being so catty.) Okay, if none of you think this is a good idea, who else wants to take 3-D this year?

ACTION: All of the teachers rolling their eyes, whistling, looking as far away from GORDON as possible or out and out begging off.

ACTION: JENNIFER and MARIE look at each other with fear on their faces.

VP GORDON: Well then, it’s settled. Miss Caprice will handle 3-D this year. That is all!

CHARLIE: Uh, Jennifer, Marie? Could you change into your track suit and runners please?

JENNIFER: Track suit and runners? What for?

WENDY: Because you can’t run away in a skirt and high heels!

JENNIFER: Run away? From what?

SCENE 3: MEET THE TEACHERS!

The students are gathered for an assembly where VP GORDON discusses Westdale’s 30th Anniversary Celebrations on tap for the school year. He also introduces the new teachers with mixed results. PRINCIPAL is sleeping through the whole thing. This scene tales place in the same gym JENNIFER was rehearsing her speech in. JENNIFER is now wearing a red track suit and sneakers. MARIE, defiant, refuses to dress that way.

VP GORDON: (Droning tone of voice) With Westdale’s 30th Anniversary approaching we will be holding many events to commemorate this special occasion. Our school, rich in tradition has decided for the first time…

JENNIFER: Marie, why didn’t you change into a tracksuit?

MARIE: I wouldn’t be caught dead in such tacky clothing. WAY too butch y for me. It’s fine for you but…

JENNIFER: GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR…

VP GORDON: And now it is my pleasure to introduce our two newest teachers to the Westdale family. This is Miss Marie Langois, our new French teacher!

ACTION: MARIE walks in from behind the curtain with a close up of her long legs in a mini skirt walking to the podium.

ACTION: The ENTIRE student body fighting to get close to the stage to get a closer look at MARIE!

MARIE: Hi everyone, I’m MARIE LANGOIS. I am 25 years old and this is my second teaching position and my first in a high school. Incidentally, I’m VERY single! Nice to meet all of you!

STUDENT BODY: LOUD APPLAUSE!

ACTION: PRINCIPAL wakes up briefly and goes back to sleep.

MARIE: I run a very strict classroom so if you don’t want to be disciplined, BE READY!

STUDENT BODY: Entire male faction of the crowd goes crazy with wild applause and scattered whistles in MARIE’S direction!

JENNIFER: Maybe GORDON was exaggerating and this won’t be so bad after all.

VP GORDON: And now this is our new Math Teacher, Miss Jennifer Caprice!

ACTION: MARIE returns to her chair offstage and JENNIFER emerges from behind the curtain to take the podium.

ACTION: All the guys in the gym look VERY disappointed at the baggy track-suited JENNIFER taking MARIE’S spot on the assembly stage.

ACTION: JENNIFER struggles to lower the microphone which was adjusted for the much taller MARIE. Clears her throat and begins speaking.

JENNIFER: Hello everyone. This is my first teaching job and you wont believe how excited I am to be here.

RANDOM MEMBER OF CLASS 3-D: Who the hell are you, SIT DOWN!

JENNIFER: Sit down? Why?

TOAD: She’s a total dork.

ARCHIE: And my plasma screen thinks she’s flat man!

JENNIFER: How are you? I’m JENN…

ACTION: Various kids in the 3-D section of the bleachers start throwing pop cans and other garbage around.

JENNIFER: (To herself) What the hell?

ACTION: The Fire Exit Door is kicked open and STEPH slowly struts into the assembly while all eyes are on him!

ACTION: STEPH stretches and yawns and looks at everyone as though THEY are the ones who are late.

ACTION: STEPH walks into the crowd and joins the rest of 3-D exchanging ‘Wha’sups’ with the gang.

JENNIFER: (to herself) WHO is THAT?

ACTION: JENNIFER and STEPH glare at each other.

SCENE 4: MEET THE STUDENTS!

JENNIFER heads down the stairs to class 3-D for the first time. She’s very happy to get started with her first class ever. With her back to the classroom door she puts her hand out like she’s going to do a team cheer:

JENNIFER: 3 – 2 – 1 JENNIFER!!!

JENNIFER, happy and excited, enters the CLASSROOM! The CLASSROOM is covered in graffiti and the desks are old and broken down. There are assorted posters on the wall of famous rappers, newspaper Sunshine Girls, etc. The STUDENTS barely notice that she is there and continue playing cards, throwing stuff at each other and talking.

ACTION: 3-D stops what they were doing to glare at their new teacher.

ACTION: JENNIFER closes the classroom door and goes to the head of the class.

JENNIFER: um, Good Morning. Allow me to re-introduce myself.

ACTION: Class goes back to talking and throwing stuff at each other as they were before JENNIFER entered the room.

JENNIFER: Um, everyone PLEASE be quiet!

ACTION: Class continues to ignore JENNIFER.

JENNIFER: SHUT THE GOD DAMN HELL UP RIGHT FREAKING NOW!!!!!

ACTION: Class stops everything they were doing and sit straight up at attention with a look of shock on their faces.

ACTION: STEPH, who was sleeping previously, wakes up.

STEPH: Huh?

PANDA: YOU shut the hell up.

ACTION: PANDA walks up to the head of the class
to confront JENNIFER.

PANDA: We are having an important, PRIVATE conversation over here!

JENNIFER: RIIIIIIIGHT, so is that skin mag you were looking at where you dudes keep your Mutual Funds?

ACTION: PANDA forcefully grabs JENNIFER by the jacket collar and pulls her face close to his.
PANDA: Yo bitch, that’s none of your business! Keep making noise and I’ll bust you up good, understand?

ACTION: Classmates cheer PANDA and jump on the desks!

ARCHIE and the rest of the class: Yeah FUCK HER UP man! PANDA! PANDA! PANDA! PANDA!(chant)
Freeze Frame of ARCHIE posing making a gang hand signal.

TEXT: ARCHIE SANDERSON: 3-D

Freeze Frame of MARIO fixing his hair and trying to look tough.
TEXT: MARIO LEBLANC: 3-D

Freeze Frame of TOAD blowing a kiss at the camera.
TEXT: TOAD JOHNSON: 3-D

Freeze Frame of PANDA growling at the camera.
TEXT: ANDREW “PANDA” PANTALANO: 3-D

ACTION: PANDA lets go of JENNIFER and pushes her back while JENNIFER continues to give him the “death stare”.

PANDA: Do I make myself clear? Don’t try to boss us around.

ACTION: STEPH yawns and goes back to sleep on his desk.

ACTION: PANDA goes back to his seat giving high-fives while the class cheers him on.

JENNIFER: Once again, I’m still introducing myself. My name is…

ACTION: JENNIFER turns her back to the black/white board to write her name down for the class. JENNIFER continues speaking while writing.
JENNIFER: Jenn i fer

ACTION: 3-D starts throwing paper and other crap at her while her back is turned and trying to write.

JENNIFER: Caaaaa prrrriiiiiiiice! I’m 23, single with no children.

ACTION: PANDA takes a baseball out of a glove
and does a pitcher’s windup and throws the ball as hard as he can at JENNIFER’S head.

ACTION: JENNIFER senses the ball coming, steps to the right and catches the ball with her left hand all without turning around.

ACTION: STEPH looks on in shock as does the rest of the class.

ACTION: JENNIFER goes back into goof ball mode and turns around.

JENNIFER: HEY! Isn’t this a baseball ball? Who threw this? Someone could get hurt you know?

TOAD: Ha! (laughing) She just got lucky man!

ARCHIE: You are too freaking slow tubby!

ACTION: STEPH looking at JENNIFER funny like he doesn’t believe his friends’ claim that this was just luck.

Freeze Frame of STEPH looking at the camera non nonchalant.
TEXT: STEPHAN LANSING: 3-D

ACTION: JENNIFER goes back to writing her name down and circles it by drawing a heart around it!

JENNIFER: I’m Jennifer Caprice and I will be your homeroom teacher this year. Nice to meet all of you!

ACTION: JENNIFER turns around and smiles at the class but finds that everyone has left already.

SCENE 5: SHE’S NOT COMING BACK!

JENNIFER walks down the hallway as some of the guys from 3-D talk about her behind her back as they eat and play computer games. All of the 3-D students are sitting on a staircase with STEPH sitting higher than the others.

ARCHIE: Who WAS that bitch anyway?

TOAD: You mean Miss Caprice? That girl with the glasses and stupid tracksuit?

ARCHIE: Yeah, that’s the one man. I’m pretty sure we’ve seen the last of her boney ass!

PANDA: True man, I scared the crap out of her! (laughing)

ARCHIE: Okay freaks, 5 bucks says she’s history!

TOAD: You’re on man!

PANDA: Put me in for 10 bro!

ACTION: TOAD is surfing for porn on his laptop:

TOAD: Whoa! Dudes, check this out. THAT is what it’s all about man!

ARCHIE: AWESOME! (Hugging TOAD) Nice job man!

PANDA: Hey Steph, we got Party Girls Gone Wild’s Webcam on, check it out!

STEPH: Nah, not in the mood today man. Maybe next time.

ACTION: JENNIFER looks on from behind the stairs and glares at the guys and walks away.

SCENE 6: JENNIFER LEAVES THE SCHOOL

JENNIFER leaves the school and heads home. While she is heading home she introduces herself through a voice over.

JENNIFER: (VO) Scared? Me? Of a bunch of 4th rate schoolboys like that? Do my other leg while you’re at it, it’s getting cold.

SCENE 7: JENNIFER’S “FAMILY”

JENNIFER leaves the bus stop walks straight down the street holding her teaching bag/purse in her left hand. The voice over continues while she walks down the street getting greeted by shop owners, delivery boys and housewives out shopping.

JENNIFER: (VO) Here’s my story: My parents were killed in a car accident when I was Seven years old. From there my Grandpa took me in. Child Welfare let him because he was the only relative I had left that was still alive. You see the family business doesn’t give too many of us a long shelf life.

SHOP OWNER 1: HEY JENNY! Good to see ya! I got some good Prairie Oysters in stock, want some?

JENNIFER: NAH! I’ve had enough balls in my system for one day, maybe next time! (winks)

ACTION: JENNIFER continues walking towards hime as she takes her ponytails out and removes her glasses.

JENNIFER: (VO) This is where I grew up peeps.

SCENE 8: WELCOME TO MY FAMILY

JENNIFER enters the main entrance of the family compound where she is surrounded by mobsters, hoods and other henchmen. All of them are wearing suits and ties. They all welcome her home. The VO continues. The house is an old fashioned with Italian décor and lots of plants in a lavish garden lining the fence.  

JENNIFER: (VO) This is my house, and this is my FAMILY!

Freeze Frame of SONNY facing JENNIFER and saying hi.
TEXT: SONNY: HEAD CAPO

Freeze Frame of TED doing the same.
TEXT: TED: HENCHMAN #1

Freeze Frame of MICKEY doing the same as well.
TEXT: MICKEY: HENCHMAN #2

ACTION: JENNIFER walks towards the front door and the crowd of gangsters get out of the way for her and all pay their respects as her.

JENNIFER: (VO) No sense in hiding it. My family is very well connected and has a lot of muscle. Life in the Family Business aint easy. You screw up in our world, you get your legs broken. Try to eavesdrop on us and we cut your ears off. Mess with us? (laughs) You get whacked. It’s as simple as that, capice? At the very head of this world is this man. A 3rd Generation Boss. This my friends is the man I call Grampa!

Freeze Frame of CARLO facing JENNIFER with a happy and friendly look on his face.
TEXT: CARLO: BENITO FAMILY BOSS

CARLO: Hey Jenny! How was your first day?

JENNIFER: Aaaah, comci comsa!

ACTION: JENNIFER faces the boys and smiles at them.

JENNIFER: (VO) So tell me: Having grown up in a family like this, do you REALLY think those little wiggers have a snowball’s chance in hell of scaring me? Hahaha, fugetaboutit!

SCENE 9: DINNER WITH THE BOYS

JENNIFER, SONNY, CARLO, TED and MICKEY are gathered in the DINING ROOM at a big oak dinner table for a special Family dinner to celebrate JENNIFER’S first day in her new job. The room has a lot of pictures hanging on the walls with gold and silver frames.

JENNIFER: So all of the boys were here for your birthday Grandpa?

CARLO: Yeah, just a few of the boys wanted to pay their respects sweetie.

JENNIFER: A FEW? It looked like the whole family was here!

CARLO: They needed all the boys they could round up to carry all those gifts!

EVERYONE: Laughter!

ACTION: TED serves dinner.

JENNIFER: OOOOH, Rigatoni! My favorite!

TED: Exactly as you like it Jenny!

JENNIFER: Isn’t all of this for Grandpa’s Birthday dinner?

CARLO: Naaah, ate and had a few with the boys before you got home. This, is to celebrate your first day at school!

JENNIFER: Woah, you guys didn’t have to do that! Thanks!

THE BOYS:  Forget about it Jenny!

CARLO: Okay, time to say Grace.

ACTION: Everyone bows their heads down in prayer.

CARLO: Dear Lord, things haven’t been going too good for me lately. My car is gonna cost me twice as much as the guy quoted me, bloodsucking jackass. I lost 20 large on the Leafs. Freaking Jets, when the hell did they get so good huh? On top of that the Picassi’s are on my ass to get the West Coast shipment here in the middle of a goddamn trucker strike. (I can’t whack ‘em all God, can you?) Despite all this crap goin’ on, thanks for this great food. Okay, Grace over, LET’S EAT!

EVERYONE: LET’S EAT!

ACTION: Everyone starts eating.

ACTION: CARLO raises his wine glass in a toast.

CARLO: Here’s to our little Princess getting her first teaching job!

ACTION: JENNIFER raises her glass as well.

JENNIFER: Thanks Grandpa!

ACTION: JENNIFER and the rest of the boys sip their wine. Some chug it harder than others though.

CARLO: So how was your first day at school Jenny?

JENNIFER: One day and one of the students called me a “bitch”. Can you believe that?

TED: “BITCH?”

ACTION: TED stands up and draws his .38 pistol.

TED: WHO WAS IT? I’LL FIX THE BASTARD!

CARLO: TEDDY! (quietly) Sit down.

TED: Sure Boss. (also quietly)

ACTION: TED sits down.

JENNIFER: And a “DORK”

MICKEY: DORK?

ACTION: MICKEY draws his gun and stands up.

MICKEY: Want me to waste ‘em Boss?

CARLO: MICKEY (quietly) Not now.

MICKEY: Yes Boss.

ACTION: MICKEY sits down immediately.

JENNIFER: And my favorite, “I’LL MESS YOU UP!”

SONNY: WHAT???

ACTION: SONNY gets up, draws HIS gun and gets the rest of the boys up as well.

SONNY: C’MON BOYS! That can opener’s a dead man!

JENNIFER: GUYS! (Quietly) Not when we’re eating huh?

THE BOYS: Sure thing Jenny.

ACTION: Everyone sits down.

ACTION: CARLO reaches into his jacket pocket to hand JENNIFER a box with money in it.

CARLO: Jenny! I got ya something to celebrate
your new job! The boys got you a few things too!

ACTION: The BOYS smile at her in unison!

JENNIFER: Woah! Grandpa you didn’t have to…

CARLO: I insist sweetie! You worked hard and in this family hard work doesn’t go unrewarded.

ACTION: JENNIFER opens CARLO’S gift. The gift is a card with a lot of money in it.

JENNIFER: OOOOOOOOH that’s a lotta money! You shouldn’t have!

CARLO: Just don’t spend it on strippers like
Mickey here!

ACTION: MICKEY blushes.

ACTION: TED reaches under the table to get his gift for JENNIFER and hands it to her while MICKEY and SONNY leave the table to get their’s.
TED: I got you something too Jenn. (nervously) I hope ya like it.

ACTION: JENNIFER takes the box and opens it and looks somewhere else thinking.

FANTASY SEQUENCE: JENNIFER in the outfit TED bought her which is streetwalker clothing with a tight mini skirt and leather jacket in a fantasy sequence. She is holding a purse pulling out a gun and aiming it at the camera.

JENNIFER: Ya talkin’ ta me?

Back to reality and JENNIFER reacts to TED’S gift.

JENNIFER: Um, it’s not baaaad Ted but, I don’t think I could wear something like this. I’d well, um, you know? I’D LOOK LIKE A HOOKER TED!

TED: Really? (sounding crushed.)

MICKEY: I think you’d look good in it to be honest Jenny!

JENNIFER: That may be but that aint the point. If I wore this even my STUDENTS would be asking my hourly rate for Christ sake. Ted, where the hell did you find this?

SONNY: Jennifer, this one’s from us. Don’t say we don’t do nothin’ for ya okay?

ACTION: SONNY hands JENNIFER another box.

JENNIFER opens it and to her chagrin she finds a trench coat and sunglasses. Once again, she looks away to think for a moment.

JENNIFER in a fantasy sequence this time in the trench coat, shades and two .44 magnums ready to fire at the camera.

JENNIFER: Your payment’s due.

Back to reality and JENNIFER is NOT happy with this gift either.

JENNIFER: Riiiight, I’ll walk into the staff lounge dressed like a cartoon hit man, WITH 2 Magnums in my hands with the safety off. Want me to shake ‘em down for protection money while I’m at it? DUMBASSES!

SONNY: Ah fughet about school! You’d look awesome in a gunfight lookin’ like that!

JENNIFER: Sonny, what part of ‘I AM NOT TAKING OVER THE FAMILY BUSINESS’ do you NOT understand? Ay-yi-yiiii!

MICKEY: Why not? You could make us 10 times more powerful than your Grandpa could. No offense
boss!

CARLO: (Smiling) None taken Mickey.

TED: Jen, you can’t do that!

SONNY: Forget it Teddy, she doesn’t want to do it.

TED: But boss, if Jennifer doesn’t take over after you’re gone, the family’s gonna break up. You sure you’re okay with that?

CARLO: Teddy, we’ll worry about that when I’m gone okay?

JENNIFER KEEPS EATING WHILE DOGS BARK OUTSIDE.

SCENE 10: JENNIFER REMEMBERS HER PARENTS

JENNIFER is alone in her BEDROOM in her pajamas sitting by her window looking at a picture of her parents with her when she was little. Her room is messy with a lot of clothes all over the place.

JENNIFER: (To the picture) Well mom, I did it! I’m a high school teacher now, just like you were.

This is everything I have ever wanted to do ya know? Teaching kids who are about to go out and face the world on their own. Steering them in the right direction, seeing them become the future of this city, (or wherever the hell they end up.)

The problem is Grandpa. He’s getting old and won’t be around too much longer and without me, there’s nobody everyone trusts to take over the family. I don’t want to be a boss. I can’t imagine you ever wanting that job either, you have to understand what I’m going through right?
Am I doing the right thing?

SCENE 11: LATE FOR SCHOOL

It’s the start of the morning and JENNIFER is late for school. MICKEY is sweeping the hallway floors, TED is cutting the lawn and CARLO is in front of an alter. (Catholic items.) JENNIFER is running through the entire scene.

JENNIFER: Outta my way Mickey, switching to Warp Five, ENGAGE!

ACTION: JENNIFER pushes MICKEY aside and sends him flying.

SONNY: Mornin’ Jenny!

JENNIFER: Mornin’ Sonny!

ACTION: JENNIFER heads into the living room and crosses herself in front of a picture of Virgin Mary and a cross with CARLO. Then she is off and running straight out the front door and out to the bus stop.

CARLO: Good luck today Jenny!

SCENE 12: DESTINY ON THE BUS!

JENNIFER is running towards the bus as it’s about to leave without her.

JENNIFER: HEY! WAIT UP!

ACTION: RICHARD sees JENNIFER heading towards the bus and holds the door for her.

RICHARD: Hold on, there’s one more coming.

ACTION: JENNIFER gets to the bus and sees RICHARD and is instantly smitten with him. Her eyes are practically bulging out of her head and her mouth is slack. She is frozen in her tracks as well.

MUSIC: The intro to Queen’s Fat Bottom Girls is playing in the background.

RICHARD: Go ahead!

ACTION: JENNIFER stands there like a deer caught in the headlights.

RICHARD: (Smiling) C’mon, everyone’s waiting to get going.

JENNIFER: Oh, okay, thanks a lot!

ACTION: JENNIFER gets on the bus and it is so crowded that she is constantly bumping up against RICHARD, much to her delight.

RICHARD: It’s a bit crowded in here isn’t it?

JENNIFER: (smiling) Yes, it sure is!

ACTION: JENNIFER looks away to talk to herself.

JENNIFER: Oh my! Those eyes, that hair, that… suit. He’s PERFECT!!!

ACTION: Bus comes to an abrupt stop and it makes everyone move and JENNIFER and RICHARD end up really squished together face to face.

RICHARD: Ugh, sorry about that.

JENNIFER: Don’t worry about it, it was an accident.

ACTION: JENNIFER looks away still talking to herself.

JENNIFER: Just a little closer! C’mon baby, come to mama!!!

ACTION: JENNIFER gets a little closer to
RICHARD, loving every second of this. She is smiling and has her eyes closed the whole time.

ACTION: Bus stops at RICHARD’S stop.

RICHARD: Well, this is my stop, nice meeting you!

JENNIFER: Um, bye!

ACTION: RICHARD gets off the bus with a few other people and walks away as the bus drives away.

JENNIFER: Dammit! I haven’t been this close to a man since I had 6 Minutes in Heaven with Chuck Carlton! I didn’t even get his name!

SCENE 13: NEW FRIENDS

JENNIFER is walking down the sidewalk near the SCHOOL still reveling in her brush with her dream man. Here she bumps into WENDY and MARIE and talks to the PRINCIPAL for the first time. JENNIFER is wearing a white track jacket with the Westdale logo on it, blue sweat pants and runners. Her hair is done up with two ponytails and she is wearing her glasses.
JENNIFER walking down the sidewalk past students aimlessly and spins around with happiness only to bump right into WENDY. WENDY is wearing a blue jean jacket, a red shirt and blue jeans.

WENDY: Morning.

JENNIFER: Oh, good morning Wendy.

ACTION: JENNIFER and WENDY walking down the sidewalk towards the SCHOOL.

WENDY: You are showing a LOT of promise you know that?

After what you had to deal with yesterday I was certain that you would just run away crying and that would be the end of you. That’s exactly what 3-D did to the last teacher and he was 6’5”, 260!

JENNIFER: You don’t say… (rolling her eyes)

WENDY: Hey, if they cut you up, come by my office and I’ll fix you up good as new!

JENNIFER: I’ll keep that in mind.

ACTION: MARIE enters the scene and starts walking with JENNIFER and WENDY. Marie is wearing a gray business suit with a very short skirt and black heels.

MARIE: Good Morning Wendy! Morning Jennifer!

JENNIFER AND WENDY: Morning Marie!

WENDY: Damn Marie, that’s pretty daring for school isn’t it?

JENNIFER: I could NEVER wear a skirt that short, I’d feel naked.

MARIE: Speak for yourself Wendy, you’re dressed like one of the students!

WENDY: Hey, I’m the nurse, I can dress anyway I want since next to nobody ever sees me here anyway.

JENNIFER: So Marie, why do you wear such short skirts to school?

MARIE: Simple Jen, these skirts are one of many tools I use to control my students.

JENNIFER: How do you “control” your students with skirts.

ACTION: Three of JENNIFER’S homeroom class see the teachers and line up in front of them. They are wearing FUBU jerseys, ball caps and jeans.

STUDENTS: GOOD MORNING MISS LANGOIS!

MARIE: Good morning! See you in class!

STUDENTS: See ya Miss Langois!

ACTION: The students run off to school.

JENNIFER: Hey, those were kids were in MY homeroom class! They didn’t even say “hi” to me.
MARIE: You have a lot to learn Jennifer! The boys here tend to be a bit unruly as you have probably noticed. However, when I show them a little of this, (runs her hand up her leg,) and some of this, (slaps herself on the behind,) then they will do whatever I tell them to!

WENDY: Maybe Marie but eventually they will want to do a little more than just ‘look’. What do you do then?

MARIE: (Laughs) Well that depends on how cute they are!

JENNIFER AND WENDY: MARIE!!!

MARIE: Oh come on Wendy, you’ve never fantasized about tasting the forbidden fruit of a younger man? You should do so well at your age.

WENDY: Marie, Marie, Marie, someday you are going to get busted for that.

MARIE: Hey, I learned the hard way that men NEVER grow up so you may as well get ‘em while they’re young and eager to learn!

JENNIFER: That’s sick. You can’t make a boy-toy out of one of your students!

MARIE AND WENDY: Boy-toy?

WENDY: Sounds like SOMEONE has some experience
in this field! Wanna share your secrets?

JENNIFER: Um… uhhhhh, I didn’t mean it like that!

ACTION: The PRINCIPAL is doing the gardening and the teachers walk past him during this discussion. He is wearing a light blue windbreaker and gardening gloves using various gardening tools.

PRINCIPAL: Good morning ladies! Nice day today!

MARIE, WENDY AND JENNIFER: Good morning Principal!

PRINCIPAL: Uh Miss Caprice, could I speak to you for a moment?

JENNIFER: Yes sir, (turns to WENDY and MARIE,) see you later!

MARIE AND WENDY: See ya Jen!

ACTION: MARIE and WENDY walk away to class and PRINCIPAL gets up from his gardening to talk to JENNIFER.

PRINCIPAL: (Smiling but his tone is very serious.) Jennifer, as you know, your class has a lot of “bad seeds” and nobody is expecting any miracles from you. We all just hope you do the best you can to ensure that they graduate. Our school is trying to rebuild it’s reputation and having a 3-D class graduate for the first time in 9 years would be a great boost to our school’s standing citywide.

JENNIFER: I’ll do the best I can sir!

PRINCIPAL: Oh and Jennifer, please be sure to be as discreet as possible about your “family”.
If anyone were to find out, teachers, students, parents, local media, and the School Division, well, they’d be on this like stink on a monkey and the scandal would be huge. Of course I’d have to make a change or it’s MY ass on the line.

JENNIFER: You mean I’ll be fired right chief?

SCENE 14: JENNIFER’S SECOND DAY BEGINS

Class is joined already in progress as JENNIFER tries to teach math this time. She is writing a math problem on the board. Her class is talking amongst themselves and not listening at all.

JENNIFER: So if X squared is -5, what’s the value of X?

ACTION: JENNIFER turns around and faces the class.

JENNIFER: Anyone? Anyone? None of you have the answer?

ACTION: Class continues to ignore her.

JENNIFER: Is ANYONE listening?

JENNIFER: (trying to sound sexy)
Oh booooooooooooys???

WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE IGNORING ME WHEN I’M TALKING TO YOU? YOU WANT YOUR KNEECAPS BUSTED?

ACTION: The class stops what they were doing and looks straight at JENNIFER.

JENNIFER: When someone’s talking to you, show them some respect and look at them and listen! That’s called common courtesy. Ever heard of it?

ACTION: JENNIFER is shocked that they are listening to her and starts feverishly looking up her class list to find a student to do the problem on the board.

JENNIFER: Um, Mister Pantalano, would you answer this problem for the class?

PANDA: Say “please” first and I’ll think about it!

JENNIFER: Excuse me?

MARIO: Hey, when you want something, you ask nicely and say please.

TOAD: It’s called common courtesy, ever heard of it?

Entire class laughs!

JENNIFER: (Smiling) I wasn’t asking, that was an order.

ACTION: The entire class slams their hands on the desk or kicks their chair or some other reaction to what is clearly some fighting words.

ACTION: PANDA kicks his desk aside and knocks it over en route to the board and he brushes JENNIFER as he passes her in the process. He then picks up some chalk/marker to answer the problem on the board.

ACTION: JENNIFER folds her arms and has a look of arrogance in light of an apparent first victory over one of her defiant students.

ACTION: The other students all sit down as PANDA finishes the math problem.

PANDA: There, FINISHED!

ACTION: PANDA goes back to his seat, gives a few high-fives on the way there and JENNIFER looks in shock at what he wrote.

BLACKBOARD WRITING: “SUK MY KNOB BITCH!”
Entire class laughs!

JENNIFER: (Shakes her head in shame.) A 5th grade spelling mistake.

Class laughs again.

ACTION: STEPH gets up, stretches and yawns. Then he waves to JENNIFER and leaves. The rest of 3-D follow him.

JENNIFER: Hey, you can’t leave, we’re still in the middle of class!

Come on, get your ass back here!

ACTION: JENNIFER goes after the class and cuts them off in the hallway.

JENNIFER: Where do you think you’re going eh?

ACTION: STEPH raises his hand and points to his watch.

JENNIFER: ...the hell?

Bell rings.

ACTION: Class laughs and goes to their next class.

ACTION: JENNIFER storms back into the classroom.

SCENE 15: a drink after class

VP GORDON takes all of the teachers out for a drink at the LOCAL BAR. They are all seated at a big table. JENNIFER is sitting across from MARIE and next to WENDY and VP GORDON is at the head of the table. Everyone is still dressed the same way they were at school since nobody went home yet.

VP GORDON: (Raises glass) A toast to our newest teachers Miss Langois and Miss Capriatti!

JENNIFER: Um, that’s CAPRICE!

ACTION: Everyone raises their glasses and drinks. MARIE chugs a full pint in short order and then all the male teachers rush to pour MARIE another beer. Nobody tries to do the same for JENNIFER.

JENNIFER: (to herself) Hmmm, why does SHE get all the attention?

ACTION: WENDY pours JENNIFER a drink.

JENNIFER: Oh, thanks Wendy!

WENDY: Just look at them. A hot young thing with a short skirt comes along and their little heads take over. And they call themselves educators.

Watch out for Mr. Gordon, he’s the Vice Principal. He wants the Principals job but he’s a total sicko when it comes to women. He’s married but he screws around all the time and nobody at the school board will give him a second look as a result. Word is he knocked up a cheerleader a few years back but nobody knows what happened to her.

JENNIFER: Who would screw around with a guy with suits like that and THAT haircut?

WENDY: POWER is quite the aphrodisiac my dear.
See the one clinging to Gordon like he’s his prison lover? That’s Charlie, the Head Teacher. He’s next in line for Gordon’s job. He’s a total suck-up.

Over there, that’s Mikey, our “great” Gym Teacher. He’s a wussy piece of crap who acts all tough until Gordon snaps his fingers. One time Gordon jokingly suggested that Mikey wash his car, paint his house and walk his dogs and he
DID IT!

The older fellow, that’s Harold. He’s a pretty quiet guy but he’s going through the motions until he retires. I have no idea weather or not he’s with us or against us so I just leave him alone. Why take a chance you know?

ACTION: JOE looking at MARIE in licking his lips while stroking his glass like he is masturbating.

WENDY: Then there’s the man the kids all call “Spermin’ Sherman!” God what a sick piece of work HE is. He teaches the annual sex-ed unit and seems to enjoy doing the condom demonstrations a BIT too much. His choices of videos for the kids are also VERY suggestive to say the very least. I suspect that he likes to offer the younger ones candy if you know what I mean.

JENNIFER: Hmmm, I see.

WENDY: So in short, our teachers here at WestJAIL are just as bottom of the barrel as 3-D is.

CHARLIE: You know what the worst thing is? Respect! Today’s kids have ZERO respect for us, even the good ones are a bunch of spoiled punks! (pounds the table with his glass.)

VP GORDON: EXACTLY Charles! And those pissants in 3-D are the worst of all! They don’t belong in a classroom, they belong in a JAIL CELL! Trash, all of them!

JENNIFER: Where does that mofo get off calling my kids trash huh?

WENDY: Hmmmm, speaking of 3-D, Stephan Lansing is in that class isn’t he? You should avoid messing with him if you know what’s good for you.

JENNIFER: Why would I be afraid of a pretty-boy like him?

SCENE 16: MEET STEPHAN LANSING

STEPH, PANDA, ARCHIE, TOAD and MARIO hanging out at the VIDEO ARCADE. STEPH is kicking serious butt in various games while WENDY tells his back story through a voice over.

WENDY: (VO) STEPH transfered here from Charleswood High School midway through Grade 10 three years ago. Word is that he was expelled from Charleswood because he beat the living hell out of his homeroom teacher and put him in the hospital for 6 months.

JENNIFER: (VO) He jacked him up?

WENDY: (VO) Something like that. Because of the rep he has for taking down his teachers, the other kids in 3-D respect him.

ACTION: Back at the bar where JENNIFER and WENDY are still drinking and talking.

ACTION: JENNIFER takes a sip of her drink.

JENNIFER: Just as I thought, Steph IS their
leader.

WENDY: Say Jennifer, when you were a kid, were you in a gang by any chance?

JENNIFER: Huh? Ummmm, where would you ever get that idea?

ACTION: Back to 3-D, now they are just walking down the street to the SUBWAY STATION.

WENDY: (VO) Steph has been pretty bad here too but Gordon lets it go because despite it all, he still makes the Honor Roll every year. He’d be in the advanced classes if any other teacher would take him. He’s a lock to graduate which is
too soon for most of us. VERY bright kid, total waste of talent the way he’s going.

ACTION: Back to STEPH and the rest of 3-D as STEPH is getting ready to leave for the night.

STEPH: I gotta get going guys, see you tomorrow!

PANDA, MARIO, ARCHIE and TOAD: See ya Steph!

PANDA: Come to think of it, I have to get going too, it’s getting late.

ARCHIE: C’mon Panda, it’s still early yet. Let’s go tag the new statue in the park man!

PANDA: Sounds like fun but mom’s gonna have some pizza waiting for me!

MARIO, ARCHIE and TOAD: Ah well, see ya PAN!

ACTION: PANDA leaves stage right and MARIO, ARCHIE and TOAD walk away stage left.

SCENE 17: PANDA LOOKS FOR TROUBLE

PANDA is rushing down the sidewalk to get to his subway station. Two THUGS walk by but there is nobody else in the scene.

PANDA: Damn, mom better bring a couple of pizzas man, I’m STARVING!

ACTION: PANDA bumps into a couple of guys heading in the opposite direction.

THUG #1: HEY, watch where’s you’re going fat ass!

ACTION: PANDA walks up to THUG #1 and grabs him by the front of his shirt collar while THUG #2 circles him.

PANDA: Wanna make me bitch?

ACTION: THUG #1 breaks free and they all circle each other preparing to fight.

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