Poetry / at the bay in wintertime
when we have gone
when our blood
has long since ceased
to flow in proud
torrents
what reason have
the waves to break?
whose hair will the
wind roughly tousle when
we no longer stumble down
the rocky hillsides,
our voices tangled
with the wind
for whom will the grass grow
if not for us?
and for who the flowers and
the trees?
when we have gone
never to return again
what reason have
the waves to break?
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
very good! liking it very much, thanks!
- add/view comments (0)
What you have here is quite excellent, but it feels unfinished. It feels like it ends too abruptly. This may be your intent, as if too say, “Life is short. It could end any minute.” If so, then I can accept that aspect of this poem. I wouldn’t really change anything in this piece. This line, “whose hair will the wind roughly tousle” seems not to flow right, but it isn’t bad either. I wouldn’t change anything else, as this reads exceptionally well to me. I do feel that more could be added to this, but it is still good as is. Nice work! :)
Showing 1 - 2 of 2
Review item
Add to faves
GENERAL
REVIEW QUEUE
Ratings & Rankings
