The poem is a Middle Eatern style called a ghazal. It is meant to be several two line stanzas taht stand on their own with the unifying theme for the words being a repetition of the last few words of the last line of each stanza. Additionally the writer’s name is incorporated into the last stanza. Generally the poems are 5-15 stanzas long, and deal with melancholy or taboo love.
Poetry / Copse
The fruit has grown ripe and gone far from the tree,
Even now it is on the ground, lost forever to that tree.
They rush into each others arms, blindly, with no more
Reservations than a squirrel diving down a tree.
In an attempt to evade Apollo, Daphne begged to be saved –
Transformed to a laurel, but raped still. Leaves torn from her tree.
Legs splayed – bifurcating branches… the image evades,
Attempted pretensions so staid, it does nothing but bore even a tree.
Tapped and pouring out of chilled metal spouts spills life,
Dark amber-red. For another year, her heart is as still as the tree.
And what of you, Shawnacy? Would you share your self – scars, lost shards, & all?
Could you bear to show it all as if it were only the exposed heartwood of a tree?
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Johnsienoel reviewed Version 1 -
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I am not sure I am clear about your reviewers notes. Isn’t ghazal a noun describing Oriental lyrics, usually erotic poetry. Is your intent here to evoke an erotic response? If so the best verses are 3-6. I think you could omit V1 and V2 completely and convey more strongly the poems intent. Something about the squirrel running down the tree makes it silly while the remaining verses are much more sophisticated. Do the trees ending every line represent the thicket your title infers? The metaphors are nice I am just not sure I understand clearly the poets intentions.
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tstone reviewed Version 1 -
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“chilled metal spouts spills life,” and “share your self – scars, lost shards, & all?” – great fun for the tongue!
“They rush into each others arms, blindly,” – i want to say this is a bit cliche, but sometimes trying to avoid cliches turns an innocent sentence into a murderer. so, if it’s perfect to you, leave it. i think you’re missing an apostrophe in ‘others’, though.
overall, an enjoyable read.
TheWallruss reviewed Version 1 -
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I would think a more fitting title would have been “dead or dieing tree” I did not find this write to hold my interest. I did read it several times (though I did not want to) just to be fair. The wording seemed flat and dull and very repetitive. And by the by who is Shawnacy? It may be that I just did not understand the poem. It is only my opinion and not the final say.
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