You are right about the double negative in line 8.
dear friends lower case is to make it more personal and less formal ;-)
You are right about the double negative in line 8.
But I still want to keep it germane to me and to
my feelings, but any re-write will say, I miss being surprised.
Thanks for helping me catch that.
Thanks also for your time and careful review.
I’m glad you were inspired to possibly get rid of some fans!
Journal, Diary, & Blogging / If I Don't Unfriend You - "Unfriends Forever" - an open letter
My dear friends,
I no longer find your works,
which so appeal to me,
in the blind queue.
I find myself never having time
to come search your page
for new inspirations and offerings.
I miss not being surprised by
some stunning turn of phrase,
or words that twist and tangle,
or iron out wrinkles, too many years
left untended in my own
laundry basket heart.
“Do you mind if I unfriend you?
Seems an unfriendly thing to do…
Do you mind if I unfriend you
and find you again
as if finding you anew!?
I am going to unfriend you;
please unfriend me.
I wish to find you
‘round unexpected corners –
baking fresh words –
inviting me to tea.”
You will still be my friend…
because I admire you
and your work, too much,
to leave you collecting dust
on my little Urbis shelf!
You need the sun and air and life
and to be read…
and I do so long to read you again,
as a favorite book.
Or would you rather stay here
on my lonely shelf
where I will forget you
and you will be left
sunless and alone?
“Too long forgotten -
your muse no longer visits;
are you lonely, too?”
See you in the queue!!!!
Evangeline
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jensastar reviewed Version 1 -
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love and agree with the idea of unfriending. I had someone look at Urbis and ask what the advantage of being a friend was… i thought about it and decided it was a bit of a disadvantage. No more anon reviews!
You expressed all the reasons well in your piece. I think perhaps the end could have a bit more… err.. triumphant though. I thought you didn’t end it as strongly as it could have been. Something along the lines of getting back to the beauty of what urbis is all about.
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pencil2008 reviewed Version 1 -
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What a great idea! Fans are better than friends, on this site. Might capatilize “dear friends”. Do you miss BEING surprised instead of “not being surprised” 8th line? Thanks.
nanie622 reviewed Version 1 -
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This was entertaining. You have some great imagery- “laundry basket heart”, “baking fresh words”, etc.
claypuppet reviewed Version 1 -
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Cute without being cheesy. You do a nice job of explaining why without getting too sappy or, on the other end, too harsh. Nicely done.
Travis_Tee reviewed Version 1 -
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This was great. It was very creative. Very amusing indeed. I would not be offended if you unfriended me this way. I would almost be honored.
lovelysporks reviewed Version 1 -
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this is written very well. i particularly enjoyed your parallelism, and how you wrote this is a poetic format. though, i must agree: in the world of urbis, it is better to have fans rather than names of “friends” left in the shadows, or thrown underneath a bed – long forgotten. :)
npr33 reviewed Version 1 -
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I love it! I am thinking that this is becoming a fairly common thing among urbis writer’s. I like your version of unfriending. A former “friend” sent out a message saying he could afford no friends for pretty much the same reason. It’s a great idea. I rarely contact people through my friend list, and I am always excited when I read something and find out it’s someone I already know. I am often surprised by it, and I really like that part. Anyway, great read and sentiment.
MorbidShadows reviewed Version 1 -
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Evangeline,
I believe you sent this to many of your friends by messaging them. However, I think you added more stanza, of which is quite appealing. I understand why you have decided to unfriend. I, too find it a shame that I can’t come across their work in the queue. There shouldn’t be an issue with others when you remove them as a friend. If they are offended then they are the immature child. Actually, it is a compliment to the writer if you delete them from your friends. Also thank you for your kind piece you have written for us. It’s most appreciated.
Happy writing, and looking forward to seeing you in the queue:D
veronica
jet_fuel reviewed Version 1 -
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This “letter” reflects the thoughts of many on here, and you’ve articulated a paradox that I’ve not seen expressed in this forum! Grammatically, I can’t figure how you chose the placement of commas at the ends of some lines while leaving others unattended. The piece flows, so I would say abandon some commas and go off with an open enjambment. On the “Amuse / Entertain / Warm a few hearts” criteria, I’m giving you a 10 because it IS heartwarming, etc! The care you feel, and therefore the urge to unfriend is so logical and ironical that it brings a smile to my face!
NickEshae reviewed Version 1 -
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I could not help but smile through the entirety of your piece. Very original, how you describe “baking fresh words” and “your laundry basket heart”. This is what makes me want to keep writing, so that one day I may come up with such originality. My favorite part is where you ask if they mind being unfriended, since its an unfriendly thing to do…it is ironic yet you make it so understandable.
Thank you for this piece. It was really wonderful.
N
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