Humor/Satire / Is it okay that I pray for the misfortune of young Chinese women?
Sometimes, when I think of the most fucked up thing, I reassure myself. “Surely, this is not the MOST insane crass, violent, humorous, bizarrely ironic, selfish, perverse scenario, situation, happenstance, volley, folly, a human could think of!” And this self reassurance, it usually works. But well, I’ve traveled, I’ve met many people, and SOMEone has to be that person who truly IS that fucked. And would they know? Would they be imprisoned or would they be lauded for being so scandalous? There are questions I have and comments I hold back, because they might scare or embarrass those around me, those I love. Okay, who am I kidding? They would scare and embarrass me.
Serious questions, taboo inquiries, pivotal postulations – or preponderances-that cannot be answered for there are no solutions. I often wonder: do all other women get Brazilian waxes? And all of those letters we type that never quite make it to our monitor, our search box, fax covers, where do they go? Is it typical to be unbothered (and secretly enjoy) the smell of your dog’s farts? And yet, feel downright molested by the foul odor of your husband’s? And I swear, I really do know what true love is. Do others get that odd strand of hair that ends up in your ass after a shower? When they remove it, does it tickle them too? Do enough of us, who are uninvited to parties, follow up with bestowing generous gifts to these very same hosts or hostesses to make them feel like utter shit? And moreover, do people think that looking someone in the eye can pin-point the liar? Or why does our government think that placing our hand on a Bible would deter us from lying? Are all of us THAT afraid of hell? Do so many of us think we are getting to heaven? Do that many of us even think Heaven exists, and if it did, that we would still want to go there? In my heaven, there are endless supplies of billowy pillows, cushions, strewn on floors and seated, people line up and give each other back massages and when the hydrocodone kick in, no one gets angry if you fall back and snooze…for hours on end. Time is no longer, so there are no rushes. So tell me, is it fear holding back patients from asking their gynecologists the really important questions: Have they ever had patients “emit” in their faces or had visible poop in their ass? Oh, and don’t hate me now, but after waiting almost two years for the adoption referral, is it wrong to pray for an increase in abandoned babies?
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
This 36 word review has not been unlocked.
This 89 word review has not been unlocked.
This 32 word review has not been unlocked.
This 110 word review has not been unlocked.
This 95 word review has not been unlocked.
Your a person after my own heart!! Oh my gosh, how true are some of these questions!! To know I’m not the only one wandering about these things:^) Can’t wait to read other stuff by you.
- add/view comments (0)
This 125 word review has not been unlocked.
Despite my initial doubts, I actually found this funny, It’s like reading a stand up comedians act to me, but thah keeps it funny!
The ability to ask the questions nobody else would ask. The DARING to actually ask the questions in the first place makes this funny in its own way, so, to comclude this short yet sweet review, I kind of liked it and it made me giggle.
I am honestly not sure about this piece. I think I would probably answer “yes” to most of your questions – does that make me a bad person? IS it strange to be unbothered if your dog farts and, indeed, to secretly take pleasure in it – er… I’d definitely say yes to that one (in fact I’d kick the pooch out of the house). Still it has a quirky style and does what all writers want – get the reader to carry on reading.
I love lists of questions, especially the filthy ones that offend, but truly need to be asked and deserve to be answered. I like the build-up in the beginning, so the piece is not just a boring list, which so many people are trying to pass off as literary art nowadays. This had me laughing out loud. Lot’s of fun and gets down to the point, humor with a purpose, well done.
Showing 1 - 10 of 28
Next →
Review item
Add to faves
GENERAL
REVIEW QUEUE
Ratings & Rankings
