Thank you for all the nice comments. :) This is actually chapter 3…I wrote a new chapter and pushed it back.
Sci Fi & Fantasy / Tanith's Destiny, Chapter 2
Chapter 2
Seven years later
Fifteen year old Tanith plunged into the icy water, her sandy colored hair streaming out behind her.
“Eeeeeeeeeeeeeek!”
Everyone in a two mile radius heard her shout as she hit the frigid water. The men-at-arms on the castle walls chuckled.
Caden rolled his eyes as he stumbled out of bed towards the wash basin. “Does she EVER learn?”
Aliyane grinned as she brushed her hair. “I doubt it. I think she does it just to wake us up.”
Caden snorted. “We’re already awake thank you, and I could deal without the hair-raising scream at six o’clock every morning.”
In the pond, Tanith shivered and chattered until she forced her arms and legs to start moving again. Her bare arms flashed up and down in what Caden called the front crawl. Her legs kicked up, down, over and over.
She warmed up quickly and when Aliyane came with a large fluffy towel, she didn’t feel the cold at all.
“Do I have to get out?” asked Tanith. “It’s nice and warm.”
Aliyane knelt down and dipped a finger into the chilly water. Her warm deep brown eyes danced. “You have a strange mind, child. Out.”
“Aliyane…”
“Tanith.” Aliyane’s tone brooked no argument.
With a sigh, Tanith swam over to the edge and climbed out. Aliyane wrapped her in the towel.
“You look like a water rat,” the older woman informed her. “The Warlord raised a water rat, not a girl.” Tanith stuck her tongue out at Aliyane as she dried off.
“Your father is angry though. He thinks you endanger yourself by jumping into a freezing pond every morning, thus endangering the next Battlemistress. He wants a word once we dry you off,” said Aliyane.
Tanith laughed. “He always wants a word. At fifty-two, I’m afraid he’ll keel over with worry if I don’t humor him.” She had learned to take her father’s furies in stride.
Aliyane sighed. “The Byrgen have been troubling him more lately—taunting him like. He’s…more irritable.”
Tanith nodded. The Byrgen were another rebel group that had sprung up, challenging her father’s authority. They were led by a noble mercenary from across the Sae of Glaes, named Crevan Darksword.
Aliyane helped her back into the house and more thoroughly dried her off, wringing out her wet hair into a basin.
Tanith changed into an plain amber colored dress and a loose, flowing green robe and waited patiently as Aliyane braided her hair and coiled it.
Caden waited outside, and when Tanith opened the door, he extended his arm. “Your morning swims will have to cease.”
Tanith tossed her head loftily. “I don’t think so. I have so many rules laid on me already; the swims give me pleasure. I shan’t give them up.” She accepted his arm gracefully.
Aliyane came up on her other side. “Your father was quite insistent when he called us up.”
They guided her down to the Warlord’s private study where two men stepped aside respectfully to let her in.
Caden, Aliyane and Tanith paused by the door.
“I won’t do it.” Tanith was stubborn still, but she no longer went into tantrums or fits unless she was absolutely furious.
Caden looked at his wife and shrugged. “She’s won almost every argument with him since he got back four years ago.”
“That she had face-to-face with him anyway,” said Aliyane. “We were coerced into…er…coaxing you around to a few concessions.”
“Like the two hours of swordplay, the hour of riding and the three hours of stretching exercises?” asked Tanith with a wry grin.
“Exactly,” said Caden. “You really do have the power of persuasion.”
“And here we are. Good luck Tanith. The Warlord is not really happy at being thwarted by his own daughter,” said Aliyane.
As Tanith went into the study, she heard Aliyane remark, “He seems to forget he did the exact same thing to his parents when he was young.”
“We all did,” Caden answered softly. “We all did.”
The Warlord Caryn was getting old. His hair and beard were turning gray and he moved a bit stiffly. It scared Tanith that Caden was forty-eight and Aliyane thirty-eight—had it really been six years since Caden revealed her destiny?
“Father.”
The Warlord turned his head towards his daughter. “Did you know that in ancient times all warrior’s children had a secret, powerful name, given to them by the Cynelic Preost at birth? It supposedly had ‘power’ and ‘might’ in it. Now it is a child’s middle name. Yours is Alyn which meant rock. Your mother wanted it to be something graceful and elegant.” He laughed harshly. “A Warlord’s children are neither. They are warrior stock, bred for harshness, endurance and coldness. A rock is all that. As well as stubborn—which you are. More stubborn than a mule.”
Tanith gritted her teeth. She had to choose her words carefully, lest she suddenly anger her father. But he was wrong! She knew he was! She began to speak, slowly and carefully.
“When I turned ten I knew the arts of war and nothing else by your orders. But Aliyane has schooled me in the fine arts, such as sewing, singing and dancing. I can do all that as well as any fine accomplished lady. I know Etiquette and Latin and Greek and the history of our Kingdom. I have the abilities of any finely reared lady in the country of Geniang. So who says I can’t be graceful and elegant?” She lifted her chin high, as if daring her father to challenge her statement. The girl made a funny picture, a slim and pale creature, on the steps that led up to her father’s desk, before his towering bulk.
“Blast it Tanith!” shouted the Warlord, standing up. “You’re not bred to be a conqueror! Your destiny is to be the Battlemistress!”
“No,” said Tanith quietly. “I choose my own destiny. Maybe I don’t want to be a warrior. Maybe I want to be something else. Maybe I choose my own destiny.”
The Warlord spluttered and fumed and paced. His fifteen-year old child stood calmly before him, waiting out the storm.
The only thing she said to him as his rage wore down was: “Are you quite finished now Father?”
The Warlord growled something, holding an aching head. He always got savage headaches when he argued with Tanith (which was nearly every week now).
“Then may I leave?” asked Tanith respectfully.
“No!” growled Lord Caryn. “I have not discussed the pond business with you yet. No, you may not leave!”
“I’m not giving it up,” said Tanith flatly, knowing what was coming next. He would try to tiptoe around the subject, until he made her forget about it and somehow trickily agree to doing what her father said. She’d rather have it out in the open, even if it meant getting yelled at more.
“I say you shall!” roared the Warlord. “As your father I say you shall!”
Now, furious, Tanith spat back at him, “You’ve been nothing like a father to me! You were gone for years at a time until just recently! I receive nothing but discipline from you, no praise or affection! You are not my father! Nothing like it! No father acts like this! I hate you!”
She stormed out, slamming the door behind her.
The Warlord resisted the urge to yell for Tanith, at Tanith, to have her dragged back.
He instead rubbed his aching head and thought.
True, he thought, I have been gone for long periods of time, not seeing her when she lost her first tooth, or learned to ride—Caden and Aliyane were always there. But she does not seem like my daughter—oh, she’s so strange. It’s so odd…no taste for war…gentler…like a more calm version of my brother.
But she’s right. Curse the girl, she’s always right. Whenever I return home from a victory or a loss, I am too busy dealing with new territory or wealth or resting it must seem as if I am not here at all.
He sighed. He felt as if he were slowly slipping from his duties and control of life as master and Warlord of Geniang and the countries to the south. Irritably he yelled for his brother Caden and a cup of tea with some headache powder in it.
†
Aliyane soothed the furious, weeping girl. “Sssh Tanith, hush now, sssh, that’s a good girl.” She stroked the girl’s light hair as if Tanith were five again.
“How DARE he call himself my ‘Father’!” choked Tanith. “He is nothing like a Father!” She seemed to forget the times when she was little how the Warlord had hovered anxiously over her bed when she was sick, or brought her flowers or pretty stones from his raids. Or how he had drawn her pictures—she still had some, hidden away somewhere in the deepest darkest corners of her drawers.
Aliyane drew a long breath, then let it go. She needed to move, not sit here on this bed! “Tanith, you need rest. Please hush dear girl.”
Tanith flung her head up off Aliyane’s lap. “I won’t! I won’t be good, I won’t lie down and roll over for my ‘blessed’ father!”
Aliyane pushed her charge’s head back down onto her lap.
“Rest,” she said firmly.
Tanith, from her position on Aliyane’s lap, glared up at her.
“You don’t change at all, do you? You did this when you were five,” remarked Aliyane crossly. “Now I want you to rest but I don’t want to be holding you down all day.”
Tanith sighed, and relaxed, knowing that Aliyane wouldn’t give up; resistance was futile.
Aliyane scooted the girl off of her lap and got up. “Good.”
Caden entered; Tanith hastily brushed away tears. She’d be embarrassed if the tough old warrior caught her crying.
“You can hear the Warlord bellowing from the Inner Courtyard,” remarked Caden airily.
“He got over his bewilderment of being thwarted?” inquired Aliyane. “How vexing it must be for him to be beaten in a battle of words by his own daughter.”
A slight emphasis on the word “daughter” made both Caden and Tanith look at her strangely. She shrugged.
“What?”
Tanith dismissed it. “Just ignore him. When Father is in a snit, you two ought to know by now not to bother him.”
“She’s learned a lot,” Caden muttered to his wife.
Aliyane grinned. “I’ll say.”
Tanith sat up. “When someone goes into grown-up temper tantrums about five times a week, you learn pretty fast,” she said wryly.
Aliyane sighed. “Knowing Caryn, he’ll work himself into a fit and then he won’t eat. I’d better fix him a snack and then try to calm him down enough to eat it.”
Tanith got up. “I’ll help.”
Caden pushed her back down. “No you won’t. Down Tanith!” he cried as she tried to get back up again.
“I’m not a dog!” said Tanith crossly. “And I’m fine, really!”
“Half-hour,” said Caden firmly. “Now.”
Grumbling, Tanith flopped onto the bed and lay down, arms under her head. Caden and Aliyane quietly left, shutting the door behind them.
Once out, Aliyane flopped against the wall and slid down it, blowing out a long breath of relief and dread. It was far past time to have this talk with her husband. She knew she had to do it, but she had put it off for so long…hoping maybe…well, she had to do it and she might as well get it all over with. She halted Caden as he was about to walk away.
“Caden, we’re getting old. Don’t you think we ought to, well um, think about retiring? Oh, well maybe not me, but you’re almost going to be fifty this month…Oh, when you and Caryn were twenty and twenty four, and conquering and in the prime of your health, it was alright. But now—Caden, you’re forty-eight, going on forty-nine, Caryn’s fifty-two, for heavens’ sake!” Aliyane moved away from Tanith’s room. Caden followed, a little intrigued.
“What’s your point?” demanded Caden. “The whole reason we’re training Tanith is so we can retire. When she’s Battlemistress, then we can retire.”
“Caden, listen,” said Aliyane urgently. “I need to tell you something. You may want to um, brace yourself.”
Caden shot his wife a puzzled look. “You have been a bit jumpy this week. What is it?”
Aliyane took a deep breath. “When Tanith was born—you know. I was twenty-three. The Warlord’s wife was twenty and had not brought a healthy child to term yet. The first baby, miscarried, baby came too early, too early to tell what sex it was. Then a second child. Dead. Female. Tanith’s…sibling—Ceven. He died. Then the other ‘twin’—Tanith. Two years later, Eldjeni died bringing a third daughter into this world. Why did the Warlord never question how Tanith lived?”
“We never really considered it,” said Caden slowly. “He was so happy to have a live child, even if it was a daughter, and I finally had a niece—well, we never really considered it. Why?”
“When I heard Tanith shout that he wasn’t her father….Caden, my heart just about stopped. Caden, please, understand. Please.” Aliyane had a pleading look on her face.
Caden looked at his wife. “Get on with it Ali! Stop hinting! Just say it plain!” He was beginning to get a little angry.
Aliyane struggled for words, and then burst out, “Caden, Tanith isn’t Caryn’s daughter.”
Caden blinked once. Twice. Slowly. Then in a dangerously low tone, he inquired, “Then whose is she?” He suspected…
Aliyane gulped. “Ours.”
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snowflakesofwarmth reviewed Version 1 -
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Whoah.. I was not expecting that. I like how you introduced a plot twist in the beginning of the book and I love how you managed to have a well flowing plot and dialouge that advance the story without making it boring. Now I realllyyy want to read chapter three. Haha. Awesome job! <333
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magusofchaos reviewed Version 1 -
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Interesting. This is developing quickly. So, Tanith isn’t the warlord’s daughter, she’s theirs. I imagine that’s going to cause a lot of conflict very soon. I can’t wait to see what happens when Tanith and her “father” find out.
I like how you’ve developed Tanith. She’s still stubborn and maybe a little bratty, but she’s maturing. She listens to her teachers and she’s learned how to comprimise. That’s good, and about in line with a fifteen year old girl, I think. I like her morning swims, and I hope she doesn’t give them up. Her father shouldn’t complain so much, that kind of thing can really toughen a person up, and isn’t that what he wants?
My advice for this one is to watch the point of view. It wanders just a little, not so much that it’s confusing but there’s a few places where it could use clarification who’s thinking what. Also, maybe let Tanith’s father win one or two of their arguments. He is an adult and a war leader, he has to have learned some tricks of negotiation at some point.
My favorite part of this chapter is the interaction between Tanith and Aliyane and Caden after Tanith’s fight with her father. The dialog is natural and their actions are realistic. They show very clearly how close these three have become since the last chapter.
I look forward to reading more.
Rylan reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
I really liked the names you used for your characters, and the world you set up. It’s not completely dissimilar from every other fantasy world out there, but your writing has enough of its own character that I don’t feel like I’m reading something that’s been written a thousand times before. Your dialogue flows well and gives me a good feel for your character.
One thing to comment on is your occasional use of exclamation points in the narrative. It is okay sometimes, but in this sort of narrative when 90% of the time it is general 3rd person, the exclamation points suggest a character-narrator that seems really out of place, weakening parts of the story. Not a big deal, and just a suggestion.
Thanks for posting, I enjoyed reading this, it has a lot of potential.
—Rylan
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