Poetry / New Page

I really like the way that through your poem, you give us little hints about the story behind it. For me, the ‘the page drown[ing] in Pinot from the broken glass’ speaks volumes.

However, I must say that the punctuation theme does seem a little derivative – in the past 2 weeks alone, I’ve seen enough of these types of poem to class it in its own genre.

Nevertheless, I gave you an 8 because, like the best poets, with a few words you have taken me out of time (‘time lingers’), made me feel intoxicated (‘sounds soften and illusions becloud’), and left me feeling hopeful (‘a fresh new page’). The fact that you’ve penned a work with the ability to affect its reader makes me look forward to future pieces of work from you.

Well done.  

The “new page” theme here is quite good. It needs a bit more build-up in the piece. The reader doesn’t realize that a relationship is in the mix until the last lines of the piece and, to be frank, the opening lines feel like a standard “poem about poetry” that is all too common.

The broken glass is a highlight in the first half, while the “sounds/illusions/thoughts/ideas/time/space” lines are somewhat tedious and cliché.

In all, I’d suggest more implication of an event (her leaving) in the first half of the piece. Alternately, you could flat-out tell the tale in a couple of lines. The blank page is a great way to wrap it up, either way.

I hope this helps. Good luck.

I really dug this.  After I finished, I went back and read it again.  You’ve got talent.  Excellent work.

John

I suppose “she” is your muse who abandoned you, leaving you without words? That’s what I imagined anyway…but not sure how the “drink” fits in with that…I think this poem has promise but it needs a little more work for clarity and depth.

Nice, I like this.. Usually I’m a snob and only like poetry with rhyme and rhythm but I can relate to this to a degree.  Usually I can be more inspired when “she leaves me” though.   Paints a nice picture of sorrow in my mind though.. if sorry can actually be nice

good description of how hard it is to write!

I like the uncertainty around who “she” is. It could be interpreted a number of ways. I also find the simplicity striking but “war with the words” could be a little more elaborate or elegant if you ask me. All in all a pleasant read.

Nice piece. I think that you could have a great thing with your style. keep up the good writing!

I like it!  Sounds like it came from the true heart of a poet and/or writer with a minor case of either stage fright or writer’s block, both of which I understand very well!  I think that it is a good beginning piece and it isn’t too rough around the edges!  Keep writing!