Lyrics / What Have We Done?

While the lyrics themselves work quite well, I find myself wanting a bit more out of them. I think if you tried being a bit more complex with your song, I’d be more inclined to give a higher talent rating, or admiration rating. So even though the song itself is written in a clean, catchy fashion; I find myself wanting so much more out of a set of lyrics.

I suppose you could say that is simply preference though. On a side note, if these were a set of lyrics for mainstream music (Which I think they would be) they would sell very easily.

Now, me being the type of guy that likes to admire things, I loved this song. But, for others that probally don’t really take the time to admire things, they might not be able to relate. I would try to make the words a little bit stronger and also have like a friend give you an honest review. Hope this was “kinda” helpful

These lyrics show a well crafted structure.  It makes me think of Lennon/McCartney tunes, a subtle arrangement that is at once complex and yet simple. The message is well related also. Someone told me once, the more personal the message is, the more universal the message is. These lyrics would speak to many people for many reasons.

aah, i definitely relate on this one. the lyrics were simple, straighforward, and sweet.
i would like to hear the music going with this to fully get the feel for it. nay i listened to the recorded version?

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December 20, 2008

by Ace

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
169	68.8% (16 votes)	20.6%

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21	M	Kapolei, HI	October 06

i have already recorded this but have yet to upload this.  i’ll get back to you on that for sure.

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It is hard for me to critique lyrics without music and I can not have you send online cause I have no computer but it sounded good for what I could understand.

Very nice work. It’s very easy when writing lyrics of this nature (from what I gather, it’s from the perspective of somebody who’s recently been through a break-up and is struggling to come to terms with it) to come across overly sentimental but you’ve done a very good job of avoiding cliché and not sounding too trite.

Nice rythm and a good flow. I can imagine this song playing out in my head, so that’s a good sign.

I really, really love the “I’m taking too long to live” line.

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October 24, 2008

by Ace

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21	M	Kapolei, HI	October 06

thanks Murr

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I like the overall feel of it, but some of the repeated lines strike me as a bit repetitive, the line “is this called moving on” would make have more emphasis placed on it if it were merely a line in and of itself,what i see here is a set of lyrics that flows almost too well, before people have even gotten to grips with your lyrics it seems like the song has hurried itself along to an end, i may not have grasped the tempo of it though, is this a fast or more slow melodic set of lyrics, how do you envison it in your mind? In terms of clarity though its very good, dealing with those same feelings of loss and pain in a way that isn’t at all pretentious, the shortness of each line does a very good job of conveying those bursts of pain one feels in such situations, representing very  well the person who wishes to deal with pain but is afraid to. A very good piece

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January 04, 2008

by Ace

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
169	68.8% (16 votes)	20.6%

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21	M	Kapolei, HI	October 06

thanks and yes it is definitely has a slow progression, with an exception of the chorus. I have already recorded the song so if you are interested in hearing it, message me.

thanks for your review and advice!

Ace

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hi there,

yes, a well written lyric of love gone astray/where nobody seems to know/just like the title stated/but some things must have happen to lead to this point and it would be good to explain them/ i like the song pattern you choose/verypopular and i luv the line/i’m taking to long to live/been there/lol/in general, nice job

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January 04, 2008

by Ace

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
169	68.8% (16 votes)	20.6%

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21	M	Kapolei, HI	October 06

thanks! glad you enjoyed.

I am still thinking of a bridge to go with it.

and yea i think we’ve all been that way huh, sucks to admit it even. lol.

Ace

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This is a great lyric. It flows with raw emotion as you come to the understanding of how difficult it is to move on. A lot of todays music lacks raw emotion. As long as the tune fits well behind it, you definitely have a gem.