Children's / Drama Queen

I love this piece. It reminds me of a little girl I know. :) It flows very well and is a lot of fun to read. I can only imagine the illustrations to go along with this poem. Great work!

I have reviewed this once before.  I liked it before, except for the fact that it to me should be for young adults or just adults in general…it doesn’t really shadow a good image for children…that stompoing and yelling will get them what they want….however, criticism and hypocracy aside  ;0) it is a really cute piece with great rhythm and rhyme.  I love it.

The target audience would be pre-teen or early teen.  This could be paired with an older, more mature version. This way you’ve written for both youths and adults.

I have an aversion to end rhyme but here it seems to work.  The last stanza feels forced, out of place.  I feel this way because the whole poem is about normal teenage drama but then it leaps into this idea of Hollywood.  Perhaps you can write a version about the dreams of a teenager? This way the ending you have would work out well.  

Thanks for sharing.

Kelly

I really liked this. It does sound like your typical drama queen. This girl sounds like she is maybe 11-13? I don’t  know what age you picked… I just know that I did not have a cell phone till I was 15. I’m 16 now. But you are right, there are kids out there now with them. Thanks for sharing this! It made me smile!

In truth I really liked your original version.  You seem to have aged the child slightly to a more preteen age.  However I think the poems would appeal mostly to children ages 3-10.
“He sent me up into my room
and thought I would submit.”  
I think the word submit is a bit too mature for the target age.  Of which now I am not sure.
Please, please bring back the older version.  I truly loved it.

this definately sounded exactly like my own sister, who is a dram queen beyond compare!
i think the humourous side is very appealing, and the pace and timing is great.
I think you could use a better line than ‘very loudly moan’ as it just doesn’t seem to fit in with the rest of the piece.
If you have a real true talent for poetry, i don’t think it would show in a piece like this. in my opinion it is hard to show true talent in children’s work, although you definately have a talent for the structure of poetry.
I would definately like to see more of your work before i could make a true ‘critique’, so i hope to hear of you again soon!
7/10

Cute.  I think you did a good job here.  I think that at some age this is right on the money for girls.  stupid girls, just kidding.  But definitely think that girls should read this because they would probably see themselves in your words. keep it up.

ACe

lmao.
i love this.
it’s so great.
It seems to describe my litle sister perfectly.
You’re great.
[:
“Cause I’m going to be a movie star
and live in Hollywood.”
My favorite.
it was pretty much wonderful.
<3

This is a solid piece but it lacks an ending. I’m guessing it’s a work in progress and I really look forward to reading the finished piece because it has the makings of a great one.

Have you been in my classroom lately? :)  I think that this is a wonderful piece.  It would also be a good book with some illustrations (and a few more stanzas).  It is very well written and it flows nicely.