Poetry / angel's...?

Flakes of falling snow glitters,
like diamonds under the full moon,
your wings encase me from the cold,
gently you smile,
freeing my soul,
I ask for your name,
and I am all alone,
watching the night’s sky.

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Reviews

January 30, 2008

Willow_Wren

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
2212	79.7% (688 votes)	28.3%

personal info reviewer stats

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
62	F	Germantown, NY	December 02

Willow_Wren reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

This is very tender though I don’t care for the title as it is written, something more ethereal would work better. The use of commas after every line is overkill and unnecessary. None needed after glitter, period after moon. Period after cold. No commas after smile, period after soul. No commas after name and alone either.

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
86	65.5% (29 votes)	34.9%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
18	M	Canton, NC	November 14

January 02, 2008

jhmckeogh

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
150	89.6% (115 votes)	10.9%

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Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
27	M	Blue Bell, PA	November 28

jhmckeogh reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

the flakes would glitter, not glitters. Consider removing comma from end of first line, as well as one or two others. The comma at the end of each line seems to add a syncopation which disrupts the serene scene you have built here. Also, snow glittering like diamonds under the moon, a little bit cliche. Try something else to compare the snow to, other than diamonds.