Flash Fiction / The Peril Of Daryl And Cheryl

The title was the best part I’m afraid – thats what drew me in, clever use of rhyming words/names. The rest wasn’t what I’d define as ‘flash fiction’ more a series of statements that could be a very brief outline for a story which I’m sorry to say didn’t live up to my expectations.

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January 09, 2008

by Rupert

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Flash fiction is supposed to be exceptionally concise, there are different forms, this is under 60 words total and does follow the guidelines for flash fiction.

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fantastic. so, this is what flash fiction should be all about, really. i like the format, and i can completely see highlights, or dick and jane books. entertaining. i don’t have any hardcore criticism, but i’ll definitely be paying more attention to the shorter versions i come across in the flash fiction queue.

In order to make such shortshort flash fiction work, you need to compensate plot with language.  I think these sentences could due to be more lyrical, or at least, you should develop a more unique quality in them that lets the reader forget its lack of development.

Highlights magazine? Man I haven’t heard that name in decades, that brings back memories! This is a pretty funny piece and fun to read!

I like it!  Bitter but sweet revenge for the man for once! I bet that sounds strange coming from a woman!

I liked this story. I like that Daryl still did not get what he truly wanted, even though he got the material posessions. For a 59 word flash fiction story this one still had a nice twist at the end, and I like how the tense changed between the first description of Cheryl “Always got what she WANTED (past tense), and now “Cheryl doesn’t always get what she WANTS”(Present and future).

There is a price to pay for always trying to get what you want, and for Cheryl is was a future of no longer getting everything she tries to induldge in.

LOL! I remember the old Goofus and Gallant stuff! I really enjoyed this, it made me laugh. A nice morality tale… :) One thing I would suggest is changing the name of Steve to something that rhymes with Daryl and Cheryl (like Merrill). Might add to the sing-songy nature of this piece. Nice work!

I might have already read this… but it is funny. 55 words or under is considered a Nanofiction. You almost have a “shock line” with your last line. this definitely tells a linear story that rounds back to the beginning. Keep em coming!

I like this version better. Since you are over on the 55 words thing, I think Cheryl got what she THOUGHT. . . ; Daryl . . . Very clever. Now I’m singing the Stones.

I think this is only the 3rd flash fiction I have read, but I think this one is by far the most effective that I have read.  It is very short, very simple, but tells a story.  Even more than telling a story in that short of a form (already pretty amazing, I must say), what narrative/ character elements are there, more is hinted to.  It seems to me, even more than other writing forms, that implicit history/ characterization is crucial to flash fiction.  I think you got it very right with this one.