thanks but i meant psychophantic. not sycopohant or whatever.
Humor/Satire / James and the fuzzy Lalla
“YO happy birthday man!” Screached bob, who burst though the bathroom door while James was taking a shower.
“Get the fuck out of here Bob before i break your jaw.” Said James camly, half opening the shower curtain, “I’m serious man, get the fuck out.”
“shit dude don’t get pissed off. I’m going to eat some of your pizza.” Chortled Bob, skipping out of the bathroom and slamming the door behind him. Bob slowly walked over to the sofa, sat down and opened the box of pizza lying on the glass table. He flipped the channel to SLC punk, and sat back to eat his newely won prize. He threw his feet onto the table almost knocking off the pizza with his boots, and turned up the volume.
“Ok. Get your boots off my table, turn the damn t.v down, stop eating my food, and tell me how in the hell you got in here?” Said James tucking a towel around his waist and walking to the kitchen.
“I got in here with the spare key you told me about in case i got drunk and couldn’t remember where i live, im not turning the t.v down until you say please, and my feet aren’t on your damn table.” sing songed Bob back to James. “Sit your ass down so i can tell you where we are taking you today.”
“I don’t know what it is but im sure it’s something bad, and i don’t want any part of it.” Spat James obviously irritated now. He downed a glass of water, threw it in the sink to join the mound of dishes already there, and turned towards Bob.
“Tell me quick before i change my mind.”
“OK!” Said Bob getting excited now and sitting down himself. “Theres this huge circus going on, and me, jenny, gerald, cass, and roy want to you take you. It’s supposed to be sick dude, with hairy chicks, and leopards!” His eyes grew wide as he finished, throwing his hands around in front of him. “Imagine that shit dude! A hairy bitch!”
“Yeh yeh i’ll go, but if i hate then you all buy me as much boose as i want and drink with me tonight.”
“Ok man. But you wont hate it.”
There was a loud knock on the door, and four people came barging in, laughing hysterically, and carrying a large amount of alcohol.
“Happy birthday mother fucker! We brought beers and whiskey so we can get trashed before the circus.” Said Gerald, putting down his portion of alcohol and grabbing a beer.
“He doesn’t have to get trashed if doesn’t want. But i’m going to!” Yelled Jenny laughing psychophantically.
An hour lader Bob was throwing up and everybody else was putting on their shoes to leave for the circus. Bob wiped off his mouth and stood up, swaying a little.
“Ok lets go, we’ll be late.” Said Roy, taking the last swig of whiskey from his glass. Everybody filed out of the house behind him and they all got into a green sadan. They drove six miles to a tented area in a Smiths parking lot.
“Ok if this isn’t funny shit when it’s over i’m going to be pissed.” Said James, and led the others up the path to the circus. They each paid their dues except James who was being for. When they entered the tent they heard circus music, and saw a uge elephant. On the elephant was a gorgeous woman twirling a baton and smiling widely.
“I wonder what its like to fuck on an elephant.” Said Cass.
“We’ll find out after the shower baby.” Said Roy, swinging Cass around and planting a kiss on her lips. The punks kept walking around the circus looking at various things such as a a white tiger jumping though a hoop, people swinging on a trapese, and a lady called Fuzzy Lalla.
“What the fuck is that dude!?” Screamed James running over to hide behind Bobs back.
“Dude that bitch has hair on her face!”
“I know man this is weird shit!” Yelled Bob, now hiding behind Roys back.
“You guys, obviously it’s fake.” Luaghed Cass, pointing at the scared boys now hugging each other.
“I don’t give a shit! Lets get the fuck out of here, Bob you owe me boose dude!” Yelled James running for the door. The others followed, high tailing it and tripping over each other.
Destination: Smiths
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
AstroBoyJ7 reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
This family/friends has a similar feel as the family in The House of 1000 Corpses and The Devil’s Rejects. Their dynamic was familiar to me since I’ve worked and hung out with folks like that. The only thing I can recommend is to add a bit more plot development as the story didn’t go all that far. If I can suggest something, why not have these guys go check out the Jim Rose Circus, (the greatest freakshow of all time.) That could make for some really funny moments.
- add/view comments (1)
Brynn reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
Well I must say…it was an interesting read. Very….teenager. Some suggestions, there are plenty of spelling and grammar errors, you should probably check out. As well as most of your character names aren’t capitalized.
One thing that stuck out was your use of the word “psychophantically” Firstly the word is spelled “sycopohant” and it means: “A servile person, acting in their own self interest who attempts to win favour by flattering one or more influencial people…etc” In other words….a MAJOR ass kisser. So this word makes absolutely NO sense where you have put it. But the attmept is there, try “exuberantly” or something. With some work this piece will definately have some potential. keep it up,
Eve
damn_mojo reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
This story does really well to create a vision of real life conversation amongst a group of close friends as well as the type of humor induced by the same type of people. It makes me want to visit the hairy circus girl to see for myself what is so scary about her. :)
Look past the writing and look into the mind of the author and this story will become much more meaningful. Does that make any sense?
Showing 1 - 3 of 3
Review item
Add to favesCreator
Relevant Links
Item Stats
GENERAL
3 Reviews 6 Comments
Version 1
Latest Activity: about 1 year ago
REVIEW QUEUE
Appeared in Queue: 8 Times
Skipped: 2 Times
Ratings & Rankings
