Poetry / dead

This is a very intriguing piece. I love the images here. The dark fantasy of it is gripping, and all in all I think it’s quite well written.

My only major complain is spacing. That’s when you’ve got the commas to break things up, but all the words are still crushed together.

Take this example:

“All who died,never remembered;” (Before you move on to the word “remembered” there ought to be a space, for less crowding and a more professional feel.

Very good job otherwise.

I guess I could spin my own meaning from this piece. I found this poem to be abstract, but very well written. I enjoyed the word play very much. Dispite the not being real sure of the writers message, or meaning. I did get a visual of this piece. If you were going for the abstract effect it was excellent. If you were wanting to make a single point, I think I missed it! I thought this piece showed good effort, and much talent. A bit on the dark side. But a good write.

First off, do you mean “rains” in line three? And when you say “stryfe” I think you mean “strife.” And in the last three lines “i” should probably be capitalized. But other than that, this seems like a very raw (in a good way) and gory poem. You get your point across. I especially like your choice of words and I love lines 13-16.