Why thankyou my darling, that means so much to me, I have never been to New York, never been out of Australia, but that is the best compliment I have ever had, thank you so much once more.
Haiku/Senryu / bang bang
New York is the cool
every ones fuckin’ in style
planes crashin’ slashin’
while we gasp for air
standing travoltas on stairs
voyuers in the chairs
bangin’ on the hip
is all I need, damn the sound
baby you can scream
Paris Montreal
Hollywood Vegas enthralled
contagious as all
till florida falls
all we need, is the sound of
bangin’ on the hip
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Fukuku reviewed Version 1 -
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Gunsaku reviewed Version 1 -
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Should Florida be capitalized?
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Kane6505 reviewed Version 1 -
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I suppose it would help a bit if I heard the music it was written to, or at least the style. The second stanza stands out to me, because it is the only with three rhyming lines. It doesn’t seem to fit in as well with all the rest. I did enjoy reading this piece. It would be much better performed.
NatashaTragedy reviewed Version 1 -
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This makes me think of New York very much so.
This is clever, and its gorgeous.
Well done.
ThomasAlan reviewed Version 1 -
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Yes, I can hear the rhythm here; it’s like a senryu-rap.
This is full of wry, streetwise humor and wordplay: my favorite is “travoltas on stairs”
Typo: stanza one, line 2…...every one’s
Thanks!
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