Poetry / Lessons from Momma (Analysis)

“Lessons from Momma” – you mention Momma in the first line, but after that there doesn’t seem to be much about her.
The poem is a good self-affirmation, with well done rhyme and rhythm, but it lacks something to make it really stand out.  I think you have the idea with the title.  Maybe you could add a hook that repeats a few times, something about your mother.
“left not done.” -> try “left undone”.
Good luck.  I think audiences would dig this as a spoken word poem.  I would.  :)

I really like this poem a lot. I like the descriptive ways you talk about how hard it is struggling to be the best in anything
a person wants to conquer in life. I notice you don’t conform to any number of stanzas, and that is fine! I think you have a good
career in writing ahead in your life! Keep up the good work! God bless…Della

What can I say. I love the work. I share the feelings of the writer. Reminds me of street knowledge gained only by failure after failure and final triumph. Life throws curve balls at us all. Its how we handle them that makes us who we are and what we will be. I fully understand with great clarity and this is definitely poetry. I look further to more of your work. Thank you.

Sometimes I am weak;
sometimes circumstances seem bleak.

Many say I will not succeed;
praying I fold.

I think you should expand the last line of the second couplet because it seems kind of blunt how it is.

Your poem really demonstrates life. I’m glad it ends on a happy note as so many life poems get quite nihilistic.
I like the random rhyme sequence you have there, it makes me think of coincidences and things accidentally working out.
I also like how you don’t seem to stick to a definitive rhythm pattern, which also makes me think of the randomness of life.

I really enjoyed this piece.
Thankyou for writing it.
-Laura

Passionate.

I think the strength of the opening sections is weakend by “What is it all about?” This question broadens the scope of this poem so much that it distracts from its personal focus. While I liked this very much, I think it would have been better to focus on the particular rather than the philosophical. You come back to the particular in the end, so … very nice.

This is  more of a prose piece, considering how it reads. the message conveyed on how your mothers parenting translated into your life on the streets is done well, but I do not see how this fits as poetry. I do understand that not all poetry rhymes, but this doesn’t fit into any scheme that I can think of. The only line that I can’t decipher is “I don’t, please, I hold the keys to an empire.” It seems the “I don’t” pertains to the previous lines so I see how it works, but the “please” I do not see how it should even be in the line. I would also change the criteria to prose.

There is an awesome idea behind this poem, but i think it needs some refining.  Some of your lines seem to drawl on, without peeks.  Ie: “Seeds planted long ago and nourished in the streets.”
This line doesn’t seem very strong the way it is, we know the seed was planted, and to grow it needs nourishment.  So placing the “and” in the line seems redundant. I’ll try here to show an example: Mere seeds in the past, nourished in the streets.

Then here…
“blazing like that fateful Chicago night.

What is it all about?
Striving to get life lessons right,”

I don’t think you need to ask the question really, because after reading the blazing line, i was already wondering what that night was about.

Then i’ll just touch on this one last line that jumped out at me…

“Goals seem forever fretfully far, (This line seems cluttered, maybe just say “fretfully unreachable…or unattainable?)
diligent to keep them within sight.” < I like this line.

I really hope you don’t take this the wrong way, ‘cause i really liked your poem, and think it has excellent potential.  I could also be reading it wrong as I have a tendency to sometimes only read poetry one way.  There were a few other spots i saw that i personally would fix, but i don’t want to come across as a jerk.  Cheers!  Keep up the great work.