i wanted to pass on my need for more to the reader by making the piece short…i’m hoping your statement means it worked :)
Poetry / more.
Drag the blade down through martini ramblings
Measuring time in cigarettes
I’m swallowing words with saccharin promises
They taste just like childhood
Just like ambition
3 nails left to be hammered in place
Slamming down this prevarication on blue keys
And tiny metal stamps
A desolated story
A split lip
A violent kiss
I want more…
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lovescreature reviewed Version 1 -
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The imagery here is right up my alley. It is refreshing to see something so creative. The writers description of life and time passing is provocative in a strange way. This is short and to the point. The last line of wanting more is right on, I want more as well.
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Happylove reviewed Version 1 -
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This is very… mysterious and almost sultry. I really like it. Maybe it could be a bit longer though? I think there’s more that could go in here, but then again, the short-and-sweet thing might even be good for this. I just really like it, I think you did a wonderful job. =)
mash reviewed Version 1 -
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I can’t say as I understood the entire piece…but I appreciated the imagery. ”Time as cigarettes” is an excellent line.
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