thanks so very much!!!
Poetry / Royalty
“I don’t have anything.”
You declare as you lay your four queens on the table,
play your four queens for fools,
flay your four queens alive.
You’ve crammed her majesties into your pocket,
and your charisma down their throats.
Three of the four sovereigns have knights and
white horses waiting for them a few blocks away -
getaway vans and backup plans.
The fourth, Judith, wears your heart on her breast.
Queen dowager to the world’s foremost suicide king –
crowned head of the living dead.
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MichaelLilith reviewed Version 3 -
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This is one of the best poems I’ve read on Urbis so far. (I haven’t been here very long though… and haven’t really read that much… still – really good!) I love the internal rhymes at the end of the second two stanzas… I’m not so sure about the line “flay your four queens alive…” it’s a nice image – but I’m not sure it’s anything more given the context.
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blondebeauty0107 reviewed Version 3 -
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oh wow… this really caught my attention. i like it alot. im very inspired when i read your work. envious, but inspired as well.
moochie502 reviewed Version 3 -
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Best piece I’ve read all day. Far more my style then any of the rest of the stuff here. I may be interpreting this wrong but hey, it’s what I get out of it right.
Dood has four chicks that he’s testing the water on. Three are ho’s and one actually digs him. He’s got all of them whipped, no question.
“Three of the four sovereigns have knights and
white horses waiting for them a few blocks away -
getaway vans and backup plans” Best line! loved this part. Makes me think that the three ho’s pimps are waiting to take them to their next date. It also tell me you better strap up when you see those three.
In conclusion, you know what’s up with the decision on which chick deserves the King. Sounds like you just gotta make it concrete.
Rad style man!
Wave reviewed Version 3 -
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A nice rhythm and memorable lines…
“You’ve crammed her majesties into your pocket,
and your charisma down their throats.”
i also think these would be great lyrics. The more times I read this, the more I like it…good job
ScarletM reviewed Version 3 -
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This is obviously about poker or bridge or some other card game that I don’t play; hence I did not understand it. It sounded kind of dramatic but I didn’t understand what was going on, particularly, the last line.
evath reviewed Version 3 -
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hahahahahahaha…
“go for it” ??
That is too rich for my blood! (royal flush intended… ;-)P)
Of course, you CAN SAY …. “Go for it!”
There is absolutely nothing… zero… nyet, nada, niente
wrong with this piece…
EXCEPT
punctuation,
and who cares?
I am usually a stickler for punctuation
(and I actually am,
even in the case of this wonderful work!)
Proper punctuation will make this stand-up poem…
“stand-out,” too!
I would suggest you break up the stanzas
(except the second) to make them look uniform.
Might I suggest:
“Three of the four sovereigns have knights and white horses
waiting for them a few blocks away -
getaway vans
and backup plans.”
“The fourth, Judith, wears your heart on her breast.
Queen dowager to the world’s foremost suicide king –
crowned head
of the living dead.”
This is truly a “majestic” piece!
A masterful use of the subject.
High mark: 10.
KUDOS and PRAISE!
And I’m gonna figure out how to put this on my faves;
it’s gonna be the first thing I put on my faves list!
From the very beginning you set an imperial tone
and draw the reader in immediately.
A short little ride, but exhileratingly smooth.
In order to tell you what I liked about it,
truly,
I would have to quote the entire work;
and then you’d probably just send this back
‘cause of credit costs.’
Obeisance performed in the face of greatness!!
Now, I only have 1 thing to ask…
“Can you top this?”
(reference to both, the game show and a card game!)
Holiday Cheer,
Evangeline
bardofbyte reviewed Version 3 -
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There are some interesting lines, but I don’t get the theme of the poem.
lovescreature reviewed Version 3 -
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This piece flows very well. I love the imagery as well as the twisted modern inserts and irony here. I would like to read more from this writer.
brahmasong reviewed Version 3 -
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is this actaully free verse?
i don’t detect rhythm or rhyme so i ask why the stanza format?would you please be so kind as to encapsulate for me the meaning of this poem?
though the very words sound strong and compelling a canonot decypher their meaning…thanx!
HStarsandBBones reviewed Version 3 -
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I don’t have anything to suggest for this piece. Your descriptions are beautiful and morbid, and your writing style is very enjoyable to read. Nine out of ten only because nothing is perfect.
k.X
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Version 3
Latest Activity: 11 months ago
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| Version 3 | Version 2 (Deleted) | Version 1 (Deleted) |