It met the syllable requirements…hmm…I guess It depends on how you say child;I say it with two syllables, like chi and then uld, but I guess it can go either way.
Haiku/Senryu / The Elements
Flowing waves of foam,
Drifting on the sandy shore
The unresting sea
Rustling plains of grass
Hear the wind call your name
Earth-child is come
Drifting white snowflakes
Floating on the winter bed
A frozen glory
Hot spiraling flames
Erupt in an inferno
ashes to ashes
Powerful Cyclone
Tearing and ripping the land
A maelstrom of death
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Phillipsosophy reviewed Version 1 -
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The second haiku is not actualy a haiku, check the syllables in the last line. Mostly good work here, but i prefer to see haiku written individually as it defeats the point if the collective is speaking on the same topic. Over all good work here.
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Sweettouch reviewed Version 1 -
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The first was very good.
The second did not meet the syllable requirements on the 3rd line.
The third was very nice even better than the first.
The forth was very good as well and drew a complete picture in the mind.
The last one was also very powerful and creative with excellent choice of words.
I loved these as they all tend to be on nature and you appropriately named the set.
vangie reviewed Version 1 -
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i really liked it alot,thought you chose your words perfectly,every haiku I read, I could envision every scene
Five55555 reviewed Version 1 -
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I love the imagery. Your portrayal of the various elements is superb, given you are confined to portray such images in a limited amount of space. Some punctuation might add a bit more to the effect, but the message is there, and I love it!
January 16, 2006
Deleted User
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I liked this too. You did this hiku with a nice combination of simple imagry. It actually stood out to me while I was browsing for something to review.
wesguptill reviewed Version 1 -
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Exceptional. I’ve always had a weakness for haiku and tanku. And this collection was well-executed. Not trite or too grandiose. I enjoyed it.
Jazzcat reviewed Version 1 -
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grins Great work on this one, Cal. Sharp imagery with just the right touch of sensitive emotion and color added to give it some life! Putting it all in Haiku form was further cool. :-)
Write more!
Blessings infinite,
Jazzcat
pudgykitty05 reviewed Version 1 -
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Although each can stand alone, they also work together very nicely. Good job.
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