Poetry / Dialogue on an Apartheid of Sin

There were two lines that really stand out for me.  ”Guilt is glue laid thick” and “Do you fear a con”.  Both of these lines I felt offered incredible insight to the perspective of the poem, and gave it a great feel.  I am very impressed with this overall, and am glad that I got to read it.

I prefer “an open door is the only solvent” but I think it reads better with the other changes you’re considering in your notes: “melo-drama” and adding “or”. I like it. I don’t know what it’s about but I have a theory, however far fetched: Death coming; sneaking up on you in the night and your cat is a metaphor for it. It’s scraping at you, wearing you down, keeping you up at night as you anticipate it and you wanna keep your door open so you can see it approach, at the least. Or maybe I just read too much Bukowski. By the way, it reads great; I feel like a lot of time was spent constructing lines.

hmm this is very interesting, i found it fun to read, but also sort of felt as if i was reading the same lines over and over again, i believe the drama of the cats restlessness effected the poem, and felt the line “Stupid. you make too much of cats and cold” confusing and irregular, even amateur.  It has potential, not seeing it isn’t already good, just different,maybe just not appealing to me.  good luck.

Carson

I feel the over all rantings and ravings but I can’t exactly put my mind on the “subject”. Is it “the petty drama men must endure”?
Do you open the door to let the cats out, to let the glue of guilt dry or should
“solvent” which disolves be “solving”? I feel that you have a problem but its not making the reader feel that you have a problem…enjoyed RL

I think petty drama sounds better than melodrama; it is less cliche. A good central metaphore kept me in the poem and the last line is great. Keep up the good work.

It has a decent tone, and a strong opening for sure, however its first verse might be its best verse, I ‘m not sure what that means but I prefer a poem to have a little ebb and flow. It is mos def a poem one can read over, with new awakenings, which is a nice quality in poetry. pretty good as LD would say…pretty good.

I like where you are going with this, and perhaps I have not spent enough time on it, but I would like to understand a little more concretely what you are talking about—I feel like I can just begin to grasp it, and could perhaps imbue it with my own meaning, but would like to know more of yours…

I like “an open door is the only solvent”.  You could let yourself out or the cats.  I enjoyed this piece.  Well written and strong.  I agree that melodrama may lend itself more to this work than petty drama.  Other than that I think this is pretty much excellent.  

Good read and your indentations were not necessary for me.  I liked the use of cats and feline action.

Keep up the good work and keep writing.

I really enjoyed this poem; it is so simple, and honest. In response to your queries, I would say that “petty drama” is a stronger choice, as is “An open door: universal solvent”. Great work.