coolies
Poetry / whispers
whispered words
cold and cruel
silent but sharp
sad secrets and
twisted truths
branded with blame
gossip and guilt
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emoisamusic reviewed Version 2 -
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Very hardhitting and rough.
I feel how you are pained.
Nice- not much to say,
i wouldnt change much.
May you find peace
-janice (alter ego charlene)
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dar205 reviewed Version 2 -
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Alliteration is probably my most favorite device. As an exercise, you did a pretty decent job with meter as well, though the forth line breaks the Cretic meter (DOM dom DOM). The fun with alliteration as a device really begins with three words the proper poetic potential is really delivered when three or more are used as it is obviously not accidental.
Topically, they are all on a theme as well…
onehandedrazor reviewed Version 2 -
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I like it. Its fun to read.
CarsonLeonhardt reviewed Version 2 -
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your forcing the alliteration way to much, let it come naturally, play with it and use it as a tool but not structure for the basis of an entire poem, this poem has no climax or moral, no point proven, no opinion expressed- but keep trying
Carson
avedis reviewed Version 1 -
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Excellent – just drop the word ‘end’
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4 Reviews 9 Comments
Version 2
Latest Activity: about 1 year ago
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| Version 2 |
| Version 1 |