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Poetry / The News In Verse
“Jockeys Acquitted of Race-Fixing”
Kieren Fallon has been freed
of some ghastly evil deed.
Apparently he fixed a race,
and he lost reputation and face.
Suspended for months seventeen,
he sat at home stroking his spleen.
Justice Forbes acquitted him,
before the supreme court turned grim.
He was outraged but then relieved,
and no longer will he remain peeved.
“Supermarkets Admit Milk Price Fix”
Sainsbury’s and Asda
Have been stringing us along,
They’ve been scamming us and giving us
milk prices that are wrong.
Everything is ok now,
everything’s divine,
Since they have been discovered,
And forced to pay a fine.
They defend their case they tell us
Milk prices have gone and risen,
But no agreement has been reached,
On prices we should be given.
There may be many others
But they got off scot-free,
They complied with all demands,
And gained immunity.
Perhaps they were helping farmers,
But that’s a poor excuse,
Since when have farmers been, to them,
Of any significant use?
It’s us customers that matter,
Since we’re paying the money,
And now we find we’ve been ripped off,
And that just isn’t funny.
“Troops Attack Key Taleban Base”
In Musa Qala, Afghanistan,
British troops have attacked.
Advancing in an gung-ho clan,
they probably won’t come back.
“Miliband Defends Mugabe Boycott”
David Miliband planned
to defend Mugabe boycott.
This man, he should be banned,
along with all the hate he’s taught.
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inxthexpinesx reviewed Version 1 -
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the first poem:
the second line, i dont think, conveyes what you want it to. i think what you tried to write the was she/he was freed, after commiting a ghastly evil deed. the rythming at the end seems forced. in the secnd verse you should change “for months seventeen” to “for seventeen months”also in this verse the rythiming at the end seems forced. i dont like the slang term “peeved” at the end. it suggest that you had no other word to use so you made up a line to make the poem longer and to finish your idea while maintaing a meter.
second poem:
the fourth verse sounds as if the rythiming is forced again.
the verse after that is really witty and i like it alot. the last verse did not end the piece well. it just didnt live up to the rest of an all and all good poem.
third poem:
the term “gung-ho” donesnt flow with the flow and tone of this one, and also, i think you should add an “an” at the beginning of the last line.
fourth poem:
if youre goibng to used alliteration, (such as in your first line) you should break it up so the reader gets the full effect. i think planned should have its own line. i dont think that “this man” is needed, it adds too much alliteration.
i like the message here, and i like that the last line doesnt rythme, it really makes it stand out.
overall: i liked the concept of taking news and putting it in verse and i hope to see later versions of these pieces because they have alot of potential, especially the one about milk prices.
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lespoon reviewed Version 1 -
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Very nice. cool to read these headlines from your point of view from my perch here in america. I loved the line “perhaps they were helping the farmers” made me laugh out loud. Gas over 3 a gallon, milk over 4, fodder for poems. The last two were my favorites because they got the point quickly. very good.
Tivarah reviewed Version 1 -
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I enjoyed these poems, they tickled my sense of humour. I know that the subject of some of them isn’t funny but news in this style would certainly make us all feel better about it. I spotted one thing;
an gung-ho clan- shouldn’t that be a gung-ho clan?
Thanks for brightening my day.
kpmarine3 reviewed Version 1 -
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I find your rhyming scheme actually keeps my focus. Full of meaning and less
empty space, your poetry deserves attention. It’s simple, yet plentiful. I liked it.
CIENNA reviewed Version 1 -
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LOVE THIS WRITERS WORK. EVERYTHING SEEMED TO FLOW SO EASILY AND THE WRITER KEPT MY INTEREST THROUGH EACH AND EVERY ONE. I WOULD DEFINATELY READ FROM THIS WRITER AGAIN.
Face_Me reviewed Version 1 -
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I enjoyed this. I’m from the United States, and well, writing poems on the news would take me years haha. The first poem reminded me of something Pink Floyd would compose for some strange reason. Very creative, definitely something a person wouldn’t think of writing =].
Angelique_08 reviewed Version 1 -
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An enjoyable read. Kind of glad you’ve spent most of the poem on the Jockeys and Milk price fixing instead of the heavier subjects. Went well with a light-hearted poem.
lmz2727 reviewed Version 1 -
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I love the idea of writing verse from the daily headlines. This is a brilliant idea that should be used in poetry classes everywhere for learning about non-confessional, satirical, political, or social poetry.
You keenly recognized the poetry in the headlines themselves -- headlines have a rhythm to them that tend to stay in our heads as we emerge into the day from the morning with our newspaper. For example, listen to the alliteration in “Troops Attack Key Taleban Base” -- T’s,K’s, and B’s successively like a firing squad—and then your short verse flips us into nursery rhyme type simplicity that tells us the simple truth about the attack. You did a great job in taking the rhythm of each headline and creating verse from that energy, that beat, that evocation.
stardust06 reviewed Version 1 -
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This is a good idea – entertaining.
4th line from the top I think might benefit from dropping the “he” – too many pronouns can clutter things up sometimes.
Trying playing with this some more and see if you can get some kind of a cadence going – it didn’t seem to flow very well for me. Good start, but I think a meter would make it twice as good!
Striker19Davies reviewed Version 1 -
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The first poem was overall a fun romp through the news of another part of the world, but the ‘months seventeen’ bit tripped me up. i’d suggest re-working this stanza. solid, though, otherwise…didn’t sacrifice much to the rhyme, and that is always admirable to one prone to free-verse.
The second poem had a pub song feel to it, strongest in the last stanza. I could see an angry mob chanting it, demanding fair milk prices. =) you have certainly fulfilled the criteria with this one.
The third is short but powerful, really. The last line cuts through the rhythm and rhyme to a strong, sobering end. well done.
Though, I am not familiar with ‘Miliband’, it’s clear from your choice of your words that he’s a rotten wanker and deserves your your suggested punishment.
Solid writing, good rhyme, pertinent and potent topics. Well done!
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