Poetry / ME

I like this piece. It is short and sharp with a twist in the end.

What is this? An ode to yourself? I didn’t find it at all entertaining, nor was it clever in any way. You must have a big ego.

Try harder next time.

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December 06, 2007

by mooki69

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30	83.3% (6 votes)	9.1%

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16	M	Cincinnati, OH	December 14

This isn’t about me in any way, my ego is not big like yours appears to be… Please look for the deeper meaning in my poems before you criticize them for being un-clever

December 06, 2007

by Korp

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24	M	United States	January 06

I looked, and I didn’t see anything “deep.” People are selfish, amazing. I don’t think your poem illustrated that point in a new or original way. :/

I apologize if I sounded like I was attacking you up there; I’m not. But this poem does look like run-of-the-mill self-centered teen poetry. I understand now that that’s not what you intended it to be, and that’s good; however, I still don’t like it.

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Short, sweet and to the point. Fix some capitalization make it look a little more proper but great overall. Great work.

Perhaps when you are an established writer, you will be able to get away with short, tossed-off poems like this. William Carlos Williams did—but only after a lifetime of dedication to craft.
You are not there yet, and this is a blurb. Expand it, build on it, but for God’s sake, put some work into it. This thing we do and love demands more from you!
Regards,
J.B.

Like this a lot .
:)
JD

I like the effect of this poem. I enjoy the statement that this poem makes and even more how its intent can be extended to address many of the issues that our society faces today.

One suggestion that I have is that instead of being so “in your face” and for better effect is to gradually lead up to the grit of the poem. Length the piece and start off softer and end up as candid as you do. It maybe be a stinging surprise and maybe have a lasting effect as opposed to bam here I am in your face.

Anyway, thanks for the read. Good job.

Almost too simple.
But- simple things don’t get too complicated.

If only life was all so black and white.
Although i’m glad it isn’t so selfish.

It sounds like you are crying out for help…and don’t know how to do it…and need somebody to sacrifice themselves to help you.  I like it…wish it was a little more descriptive…like….why…how…what…where?

Hmm…I didn’t really like this. I think it is a bit too self centered. But if you create a poem, or piece of writing that has a selfless theme to it, I would totally read and more than likely review it. But I have one question, is this really how you view life and yourself? Or is this just you outlook on a self centered person?

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December 06, 2007

by mooki69

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
30	83.3% (6 votes)	9.1%

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16	M	Cincinnati, OH	December 14

It is supposed to be self centered. It is just taking selfish tendacies to the extreme. Not how I am

December 06, 2007

by _Marybeth_

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103	66.7% (9 votes)	61.9%

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101	F	United States	December 21

Lol ok…because if that is how you were…wow…lol but thanks for telling me that.

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kill your self/ save me. powerful stuff. not to put you down in any way shape or form, but everything is either one extreme of another when you’re a teen. i think there’s potential. and since everything is so extreme—really wonderful things can come out of that. fiona apple was on 15 when she wrote most of her first album. alanis morisette wasn’t much older. you have something to say. say it and say it a little more. can’t wait to read more!