Poetry / Notes from the Edge of Quiet

i think everything about this poem is t.s. eliot

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July 17, 2008

by Aachen

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108	84.6% (26 votes)	50.2%

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25	M	Frederick, SD	August 12

Care to be a bit more in-depth?

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From  the Title to the “Final” stanza, this is a Poem of merit & importance; imagery, spartan use of language – refreshing to view “A Poet” here, of intelligence, atypical, topical, concerted thought; I would proffer 1 suggestion, consider the Word, “the” supplanting “its,” S1,L2, you’ve established identity in L1, & the use of the latter is redundant, impedes flow…  In Rhyme -   H’H./H.e.m

dude, you could sell that!
i think you’ve picked a really strong metaphor, and i like the bir about “hollow men do not drown”
it’s beautifully put together, and it works.
YAY!!! CONGRTULATIONS… YOU ROCK!

A bleak and cynical, yet well-written poem.  It provokes much thought, and the ocean/floating metaphor carries the piece well.  The only line that didn’t work for me was: “do not seek / the secret seaweed.”  That seemed a little cheesy.  Otherwise, great!  :)

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December 02, 2007

by Aachen

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25	M	Frederick, SD	August 12

Yeah, I’ve wondered about lines eight and nine, as well. I’ve yet to be shaken with a viable alternative. It’s thrust is toward the depths (those dark places we don’t plumb) where secrets are manifold. But, there isn’t much seaweed that far down, anyway (the light is dim). Thanks.

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This makes me feel dumb.  I know the poem is speaking truth, but I can’t understand.  My attention span is about the length of a flight of a penquin.

The lines flow together very well.  You stay within the same subject.

Visually stunning. I literally felt the urge to just let go. The waves and the salt and the buoyancy seeped into my imagination and left me in a seriously contemplative mood. Thank you and keep up the good work.

I liked it all except the first stanza. I’m not entirely sure why that one didn’t do it for me, possibly because it’s basically one sentence, and a little too involved for that. I might break it down and make it a little easier to comprehend at first glace… It comes with enough consideration, but then you’ve spent so much time thinking about it the rest of the poem doesn’t look as important. At least that’s how I felt. Could just be me.

It has a nice tone, good word choices.  The overall theme works well.

Stanzas 5 and 6 seem significantly different than the earlier stanzas. I think you are trying to pull the poem full circle but it’s only partially successful. Specifically, why do you start breaking it in mid-sentence in the last stanzas?  The voice changes a bit there but I think two stanzas of it is too much.

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December 02, 2007

by Aachen

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25	M	Frederick, SD	August 12

I do think there is a turn around mid-fifth stanza; however, the enjambment isn’t necessarily meant to underline this. I can’t state a specific reasoning behind the carry-over. It seemed part of the poem’s sense.

Does the shift in voice you perceive result from the enjambment, or is there more to it?

December 02, 2007

by Aachen

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
108	84.6% (26 votes)	50.2%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
25	M	Frederick, SD	August 12

I do think there is a turn around mid-fifth stanza; however, the enjambment isn’t necessarily meant to underline this. I can’t state a specific reasoning behind the carry-over. It seemed part of the poem’s sense.

Does the shift in voice you perceive result from the enjambment, or is there more to it?

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wow. this poem made me feel very, well, lonely.  How sad a piece of work.  I really like the phrase “the buoyant property is the races damnation”. wonderful wording. I love it.  Great work.

this is a nice poem, i really like how you move in the poem, the flow is perfect,keep writing. its kind of a sad poem, but the images are in order and very clear.