Poetry / Whispers

This is a sweet poem. It tells of your innocence and speaks to a gentle, wishful heart. Try this for your last stanza to soften the ending and make it fit the emotion you have built up.

let this be the time
your forever with me
and you whisper in my ear
were together, softly

I like this.

When writing a love poem I find unless making an intentional statement on form, discard rhyming.  It comes off as juvenile and emotionless.  Make this more personal, inject the fear that it seems is behind the piece, and it will become more personal, yet more related to by the audience.

This kind of seems like a Hallmark card.

I liked your poem over all, it’s easy to understand and relate to.

There are a few things I would suggest editing:

Hold me in your arms,
and whisper in my ear.
Tell me that you love me,
what I want to hear.
Look into my eyes,
look deep into my heart.
Give me that smile,
say we’ll never be apart.
Let me be the one,
who can’t stop your smiles.
The one who makes you feel,
like you haven’t in a while.
Let this be the time,
you’re with me forever.
And you whisper in my ear,
we’re finally together.

Adding some punctuation and some capital letters.
But I liked your poem!

I hope to read more of you work!
Thanks

This is cute. In the last section your should be you’re, and you switched the letters around in and. Proof reading is your friend, I speak from experence. The rhyming is pretty good, and doesnt sound forced, it flows. Keep writing :)

simple and direct.everything flows, good love poem.

The sentiment of this poem is nothing special. Real emotion is often mundane, and that’s OK. It’s just not poetry.

good concept to write about

(hold me in your arms
and whisper in my ear
tell me that you love me
what i want to hear)

but not exceptionally written. corny, cliche, needs reshaping.