Poetry / LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT

Well, the biggest problem I have with this poem is that I don’t care.  I have no idea why you like this girl, or why I want to read about why you like her.  Try to add some sensory images, some interesting verbs—even if she “didn’t do anything” to make you like her, she has to be doing something besides just floating around existing, right?

And I was all excited when I started reading that the speaker had “never seen a girl, not one girl…” i read that literally the first time through, and i was extremely disappointed at the ending of the sentence—how cool would it have been if the speaker had really NEVER seen a girl?

Try to add action, vision, touch, smell, and eliminate all the cliche that you can; i think that will help this work the most.

It is a sweet poem, but I do not feel like there is any substance. It’s too blah. What is it about this girl? Convince me that she blew you away. Make me feel what is happening here.