Funny you should say that. the reviewer at the bottom told me to take all of that junk out as it was “me reading my resume” and it had nothing to do with the story. Basically, I had a lot of stuff in there about Photoshop, Illustrator, HTML, and other coding languages with acronyms for names. :p
Humor/Satire / I Thought You Said That You Were A "Computer Guy"!
So the other day, I am sitting in a bar, drinking a beer with a few friends, some friends’ of friends and various acquaintances. Since not everybody knows everyone else, introductions go around the table.
“Hi. My name is Scott.”
“Hi Scott. What do you do?”
“I am a college teacher. I teach Graphic Design and Digital Imaging. I also do freelance web design and development work.”
“Really? Wow. That’s cool.”
So some more drinking and socializing ensues for awhile. Predictably, about twenty minutes into conversation, one of the people that I just met turns to me and says:
“Hey Scott. You’re a ‘computer guy’. I am having this problem with my PC…”
He proceeds to tell me about this totally obscure error in Windows using this piece of software that I have never heard of. So here’s me with this “deer in the headlights” vacant expression. I finally have to say to this person, “I have no idea what you are talking about.” To which he responds with, “I thought you said you were into computers. What kind of ‘computer guy’ are you?”
People around the table begin to chuckle. Some have smirks and raised eyebrows. One guy nearly snorts in his beer and has to wipe his mouth with his sleeve. Meanwhile, I feel color coming into my face… and I can’t figure out what I am so embarrassed about.
Ugh. Never mind that we are currently in a bar, and that I am drinking beers and relaxing. Forget that there is no computer in sight for me to see what he is talking about. I also love the fact that he thinks I can just pull some magic answer to his issue out of my butt and just be able to tell him, step by step, how to fix it right then and there. Like he’d remember it even if I could.
So, since I am consuming alcohol, and since this person has chosen to take a jab at my expense for something that he clearly knows very little about… I COULD answer with this:
I could start spewing my “computer guy” resume. I could go into vast detail about my 11+ years of experience as a graphic designer, web designer, web developer, not as a “Computer Guy” specialist.
I could also talk about how the term “Webmaster” doesn’t exist anymore, because there are way too many specialized disciplines to be done by any one person… that these days, web design and development is done by a whole team of people. Since no one person can call himself or herself “webmaster”, how could anyone call himself or herself, “Computer Guy” or “Computer Girl”? That’s just ludicrous.
Yeah, I could say all of that stuff.
I decide it would ultimately be a waste of my breath and a waste of time. So what DO I decide to answer with?
“Hey, do you play golf? That’s a sport, right? So tell me… when I go swimming, how do I do the backstroke?”
He didn’t get it. Maybe I should have picked the long answer.
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planetaryexit reviewed Version 2 -
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Yeah I have the same problem, just because I wrote my own linux system, that I know why there Ipood doesnt work. The way you dictate your thoughts was nicely done.
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onlywish reviewed Version 2 -
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This is something that happens in any profession. I happen to like your take on the matter. It seems like anyone who has a job with computers is suppose to know everything from programming, building and fixing bugs. The reactions to this guys question was great. Ask a stupid question. What do you get.
This was very fun to read. The truth usually is.
freckleface reviewed Version 2 -
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Great submit under humor/satire – this would work under Journal/Diary/Blogging as well – either works well (an explanation, I thought I’d clicked on JDB and scrolled back up after reading to see that it wasn’t a JDB entry)... Overall this is a great anecdote. Your structuring is easy to read… and the timing and flow contribute to this as well. The ending resolves nicely. My only thought/suggestion would be, could you maybe include just a bit more to us computer illiterate folks about why a CG/DI dude does? I know that there’s a clear demarkation between what you do and whatever this guy was expecting you to be… I wanted just a bit more info on what you do.
Emilee reviewed Version 2 -
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I love the ending here, “maybe I should have picked the long answer”. I really like this and think it has prospect. It’s a little choppy to the mind, but it would only take a little time to sort through and maybe work on your word choice. I liked it alot though!
hellbunny reviewed Version 2 -
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I love the biting wit of your piece. Though I understand rethinking a comeback sometimes, I think what you actually said was much funnier in its simple directness and the fact he didn’t get it. I might have to remember that sometime.
DCAllen reviewed Version 2 -
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This was entertaining. It was more like a rant than humor, but I enjoyed it.
for awhile = for a while (“Awhile” means “for a while,” so if you write “for awhile,” you are actually writing “for for a while.”)
web design and development is done = are done
blimprue reviewed Version 2 -
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This is so directly believable, I think you might want to submit it to one of those lifestyle magazines that offer money for “slice of life” stuff. They advertise on helium.com for one.
I nearly have a degree in graphic design, and people have treated me as though I were a software whiz, as though I had insights into everything computer no matter how peripheral to design…
Lizabeth reviewed Version 2 -
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This is great! I love it. As both poet and technical writer, I get it from both ends: people want me to read and critique their fiction (um, I can edit it and tell you if it sucks…) or ask me about software. Yes, I write about software, and yes I am familiar with our software, with emphasis is on the write and the our. Anyway, great comeback! I’ll remember that one. You have a pretty good style here, one that flows very well so that you don’t realize you’ve just read 500 words (as opposed to the 800 word piece that feels like 10,000).
pinestategal reviewed Version 2 -
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This is funny, you definately get points for that. Unfortunately it is all too true. The only thing I noticed that made it a bit hard to read was the line… So here’s me with this “deer in the headlights..I think it would flow better if you had said ” So here I am” Good Job
LUFCRACE reviewed Version 2 -
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Such a truism. People automatically assume you know everything about something, even when you blatantly only specialise in one area.
It raised a smile at the end, though I didn’t find it that funny.
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