Haiku/Senryu / Intended

That is my favorite review of all.

Judeo-Christo-Islamic First of All Women, she didn’t invent sin, just did something original with it, made it her own. Then the tempter spit and drooped became the beast of lowest repute, while the tempted raised in stirrups remains on a pedestal to this day. There go Venus and Mars with poor Terra in the middle. The condition of our world since Eden might be best illuminated by the French adage, “C’est la vie, c’est le geurre, c’est les pomme de terre.” That’s life, that’s war, that’s potatos(apples of the Earth).

I always liked pomme de terre in French class. It’s one of the few things that stuck with me. I don’t know why. I also like paraplue, though I can’t spell it anymore.

I don’t mind the risk. I don’t dumb down my work for those who don’t have the knowledge to get it. I love twisting religious references to serve secular purposes. It is “intended” as Eve was intended (or made for) Adam and I feel intended for the man I love in the same way. The poem is also an expression of my fear of impending discovery. Should we open that Pandora’s box? Apologies for the mixed metaphor. Will taking a chance mean it will always be burdonsome and bring sorrow? Or will we truly be as gods, as promised by the serpent? I think “eve” would be too obvious, but perhaps a double meaning title like “eve of discovery.” Your reviews are always worth the credits.

coolness

I understand completely, and agree about the “dumbing down” issue.  What it is is the English prof in me: as a reviewer, I really try to take seriously the issue of helping the other authors the way I did my students; my students didn’t always do everything I told them either, but I felt it my obligation to point out chances taken and possible problems etc. Please understand: I don’t mean this in a patronizing or superior way; I mean merely that my critiques HERE are crafted as were my comments back in the classroom; old habits die very, very hard.  I could probably zip through my queue and type “Nice stuff, liked it” a gazillion time and end up with lots more credits, but for me, the reviewing is almost as important as the creating and improving from my end of the creative pond.  SO, I do what I do the way I do.

Oh, my…....I do get cranked on this issue.  my bad

Also, I’d now say keep the title “Intended” because it does have one extra nice edge to it: things did not go as God had INTENDED (did they)?

Enough for now.  Thanks for the kind words and the good dialog; I appreciate that about urbis, too.