ok! thanks again
Haiku/Senryu / Interrogative(s)
How do seeds know when?
Beavers how? Geese where? Ants what?
Why do hearts know who?
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Jeff0307 reviewed Version 2 -
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Haha, I enjoy your haikus. So far they are usually a hit or miss with me. This one, regretfully, is a miss. Haiku takes a spark of genius to put something so profound, simply and smoothly. I’ve seen you do it once before (out of the handful that I have read) and I can’t wait to read your next. =)
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awkwardvibes reviewed Version 2 -
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Interesting. But the last line seems out of place. You set up with a fun, witty first two lines, but the tone switches. Not that that’s bad, just a bit jarring.
metahaiku reviewed Version 2 -
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A fine piece of poetry this.
stallions_kiss reviewed Version 2 -
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this is a beautiful idea and the overall effect is that i am left with a (knowing?) smile. i think it definitely has potential, and once “there” i think will do very nicely in a pulished anthology – or even in valentines cards, if you didn’t find that thought too mushy.
i am a bit grated by the piece starting with a “how” then straight into “beavers how” – if you could find a different way of kicking it off it would sit better with me (but that is just one humble opinion, so take it with a pinch of salt).
the other thing that would polish it for me (again, ignore me at will!) would be to clear up some punctuation. my fevered brain would prefer to read it thus:
Beavers: how? or even
Beavers – how?
just to force that pause.
i definitely enjoyed this piece. lovely :)
TristanSchaut reviewed Version 1 -
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beautiful! I’m amazed you can fit five question into seventeen syllables, and so poignantly, too! deep questions, and unanswerable, which is probably your point. kudos!
EAnonymous reviewed Version 1 -
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Excellent! (though ‘interrogative’ is misspelled). You’ve done a beautiful job of matching each question with a natural example, and even using all six major question words as well (in a haiku nonetheless!). You obviously thought this out carefully. ’Ants’ is probably the least obvious, though it certainly works. I’m quite impressed with this. As soon as you fix the title’s spelling this is going into my faves. Keep it up!
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