Poetry / Untitled
I have been in a place unseen from this dimension.
I feel harder than
the iron that floats above the face of the waters upon the waves.
I have seen the paths of many revealed before me and the disaster of their reality.
Is mine yet to come within time as my enemies surround me with no hesitation within an open field?
My love ones pull at me from all sides without knowing my enemies approach me at da rising of the sun.
Hide me in my place of refuge my place of safety away from the snares set before my path.
They laugh at me when my tears roll with great speed down my face.
I have held many words within , that have not been held by the ears of those close to my lips.
As it rains on just and the unjust let my enemies be scattered and confused beneath my feet.
And let the silence of those with plots for my fall be heard within there dilemma .
I can no longer silence the screams that are released within me.
Feelings of great anguish and despair over take me as I walk unconsciously conscious .
My mind drifts like a deserted ship out at sea.
Unaware of time and space I began to feel lifted.
Hoping to float past He who holds my fate so I may ask why must things go this way.
Trying to wake myself from this nightmare that has become my reality.
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I know exactly where you’re coming from, it’s tough to hold your peace hwen those around you don’t do the same… well the only suggestions I can give are to change the word “da” to “the” and instead of released in me try held in me… some of the word choices and phrases are well versed and nicely written… “I have held many words within , that have not been held by the ears of those close to my lips.” this one is the best, I’ve never seen it written like that… overall good work, nice writing, keep it up…
peace
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Wow. This has a deep mystical, intrinsic, existential feel to it. In fact, I’d even go so far as to call it a lovely personal prayer of sorts. It seems to have some deeper subtext that if I were to focus on the words a bit longer, I’d understand a bit of something about life in its grandiosity and also its mediocrity.
I spotted two extra spaces which could be easily remedied with a quick delete – L8 – a space before the comma, and also L12 – an extra space before the period.
My favorite line: ”I feel harder than the iron that floats above the face of
the waters upon the waves.” a great and beautiful allusion to limits
Well done… high marks from me.
My first thoughts were, this guys dreaming …... well done because at first I thought it was just ramblings and when finished I had a big smile on my face.I was thinking how the heck am I going to review this one !!!! Phew
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