Sci Fi & Fantasy / Raven Poem: The Legend

As an introduction it hangs together well. I have to agree that it’s a cliche subject but, we have all been writing about the same things since pen was first pressed to papyrus or pigment daubed on the cave wall. You are right; it’s a matter of perception or approach. Coming up with something fresh is very difficult which is why we prize it so highly. Try to think of a way to present this subject in a new way.
The potential for a good story is there. Graphiclly speaking, from Superman and Captain America to Hell Boy, and every other Superhero vs. Supervillian ever published this story has been told a thousand times in a thousand diffferent ways. You have your work cut out for you. I wish you well.

-Deek

“Lives are loss” should be “lives are lost.”

I would think about capitalizing “creator.”  You’ve capitalized “Divine” before it, which is grammatically incorrect, but stylistically appropriate, so to continue with the trend stylistically capitalizing “creator” would fit as well.

This sounds like an OK intro, but might be better as the blurb on the back of the book.  A lot of readers are more attached to characters than settings, so an introduction to your world as seen through the eyes of the protagonist (or villain) of your novel might be more effective.

Cliche and trite.  Not even interesting.

Big fault – Evil and Good need to stay in balance always even according to you for life to exist… so why even let this man live?  Both sides would want him dead… otherwise what would be the reason for them to exist?

This is also not a story but a summary…. show us don’t tell us.

Ok first off, you are very unlikly to actually attract an agent here on urbis. I guess when you’ll have your book ready you will simply have to submit it to the agents you’ll find on the internet(until we’ll get the opportunities section here on urbis).
The little pice you’ve written here is very nice. The words you’ve chose seen epic themselves and paint the picture of importantce of this man who is supposed to save us all. Also your language usage is nice, making it easier to believe that this is actually a fantasy piece.
After reading a prologue like this I would continue with the books. It is very epic and just the mention of a war and a fragile man being the one to save us is something I would enjoy reading about.
Good luck with your work and if you post more chapters tell me becasuse, as I said, I’d like to see where this is going and how your narrative is going to change when it’ll come to the story itself.

So – is this the next part of the Journal entry to Adrienne? Slightly confused.

As a piece of writing I quite liked the brevity of such a dramatic legend, but felt it was a bit too archetypal. I expected to hear a fanfare of doom and a croaky old voice reading out the passage. The idea, while not entirely new, is still a good setting for the background, but it could be more original, more personal to you.

‘For the war to end, the Avatar must choose’ (to paraphrase): I feel sorry for the Avatar!, and it brought to mind a lyric by Rush ‘If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice’. I’ll wager the story contains a long battle for the Avatar to avoid choosing, and be tortured by it..

I have absolutely nothing negative to say.  This is the best thing I have read on this site.  Granted, that is my own opinion, and all art is based on personal taste.  I am very much drawn in to this story.  I hope it gets published because I am dying to read it.  I will be watching your career very closely.  You have made a fan out of me.

This story has all the basic make-up of a good vs. evil story, The good guys the bad guys, and the intercednt. With work, I agree that this would make a very good graphic novel. Not a novel though, you would need lots of cool gory pictures for it! Good job!